Cursed Friends

Year 18, Day 286 - 10/13/26 - Movie #5,460

BEFORE: I'm suddenly at the crossroads of horror and comedy, because this made it onto the horror list based on the title, but now I'm looking at the cast and realizing that this was a movie made for TV, and it aired on Comedy Central once in 2022 and then never aired again. Well, it's been living on Paramount Plus, because Paramount owns Comedy Central after all. It doesn't look all that great, but we'll see, it's about a curse at least so I've got something to hang my hat on. 

If I'm late posting tonight, well, it's my wife's birthday and we're going out to dinner, her favorite steakhouse in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. My birthday is still a week away and we'll be in North Carolina, so I'll get to choose the restaurant then. I'm fine with a Chinese buffet but we'll see. 

Harvey Guillen carries over from "Companion". 

THE PLOT: Four friends wake up on Halloween and realize the predict-your-future game they played in 2002 is coming true in disturbing ways. They must band together to help each other escape the wild fates that have turned their lives upside down. 

AFTER: Sure, this isn't an obvious horror film, like there are no monsters or demons or killer camp counselors, it's a comedy, even though it's not that outright funny. Well, it aired on the COMEDY Channel, didn't it? Yeah, umm, don't forget to make sure your comedy is funny, please take my advice, I know what I'm talking about. 

The four friends (OK, three friends and one girl's brother) who hung out in junior high get back together after 20 years apart. Erica's been living in New York City, but she just got a design job for a West Coast company and if she can go full-time she may move back to her hometown - so it's a great time to get back together with Mikayla and Andy, and her brother Josh is squatting in the family home, so anyway, the Core Three (plus Josh) are back together. And they find an old game/book that they used to play, called "M.A.S.H." which stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House - you write down a bunch of choices for yourself in the future, like where you're going to live, who you'll be married to, what your job will be, etc. and then the game eliminates all of the choices but one, and supposedly that's your future. (We used to do something similar when I was a kid, with those folded up pieces of paper with numbers on them, maybe you know what I'm talking about.)

The flashback shows how Erica got the book while trick-or-treating, instead of candy, from that house with the weird-looking lady who maybe was also the author of the book, Stacy Friendship, who maybe also was a witch or a conjurer or a gypsy, all that is a bit unclear. But after they re-discover the M.A.S.H. book and see what their future predicted for them, they wake up the next day and find those situations coming true - like Erica's fate was to become a plumber, and she finds she accidentally packed the wrong Halloween costume, not Princess Peach but Mario, who is a plumber. Mikayla's listing said she would be married to Joey Fatone from N'Sync, and that same day guess who comes into the sandwich shop and flirts with her? Andy's fate was to be married to one of their male teachers, which I'm assuming was a bit odd at the time since he hadn't come out yet, but now seems very prophetic, and sure enough, Mr. Knight is still in town and they keep bumping into him. So the "curse" seems to be that everything that was predicted by the book is (sort of) coming true, or a least becoming a possibility. 

Again, it's not outright scary, if anything what scares these adult friends is the fact that maybe they suddenly have no control over their lives, they've done OK for themselves so far in their careers and relationships (well, except for Josh) and to suddenly be under the influence of whatever random dice roll or selection process decided their fate years ago in a Mad Libs-style book, well, sure, that can be a bit frightening. You thought you were making good choices for yourself, and now it turns out that none of that matters, the curse says your life has to be a different way now, if the book said you would hold the record for longest fingernails, well, guess what, that's your life now. 

What's a little weird is that they've kind of imposed the "Groundhog Day" rules over this little class reunion, like no matter what Bill Murray tried, he couldn't stop February 2 from starting over again, not until he truly changed inside or had the perfect day in Punxsutawney, PA or whatever. These four learn from another of the book's victims, however, that the poem inside the book demands a sacrifice, one of them is going to have to kill one of their fated spouses in order to break the curse. (They try going to see Mikayla's psychic, Shamrock, to break the curse, but he's pretty useless and also a con artist, of course.). This information is given to them by Lizzie Lennox, who's serving time in an asylum for committing a murder because a book told her to. But she claims that she broke the curse and now her best friend, Nikki Evans, is not a monster truck driver with triplets - except that he actually is, and he claims that there's no escaping the fate that the book has chosen for you. Just learn to live with it, that's the best you can do. 

The bad news here is that this film is woefully inconsistent, like it's firing in all different directions at once where the rules of curses are applied. Like does it even count as a curse if you don't mind having super-long fingernails and being in a relationship with Joey Fatone? Maybe there's a downside to that, but then if there is, please show it to us!  A lot of the dialogue feels like it was improvised, and the characters also can't keep their own stories straight, like Andy is an overweight fitness instructor in L.A., and how does that even work?  And he's obviously gay, but he's also terrified of being gay? This isn't the 1970's, it's very accepted these days, but I guess he has to learn to accept himself. Also do these "friends" even like each other? Because it's often hard to tell, they insult each other all the time and they bear 20-year old grudges, and that's not really a fun look. 

Also, did reality really change (twice) or did the four friends all have the same dream? This is very unclear, but they do fall asleep together and wake up together, so you know, it's possible. Hell, even "The Wizard of Oz" couldn't decide if Dorothy really went to Oz or if the whole trip was just in her imagination - I would have voted for it all being a dream, if not for the "Wicked" movie, so umm, thanks for that? But, good news, this is a film that takes place ON HALLOWEEN, like there are Halloween parties all over town that are important to the plot and Mikayla takes her daughter trick-or-treating. Well, there are TWO Halloweens in the film, one from 20 years ago when the friends get the book, and the one in the current day. So great, we're right on track except for the fact that Halloween is still 18 days away. Well, how was I supposed to know? 

Directed by Laura Murphy

Also starring Jessica Lowe (last seen in "Desperados"), Nicole Byer (last heard in "The Twits"), Andrew Lewis Caldwell (last seen in "My Best Friend's Girl"), James Austin Johnson (last seen in "Lorne"), Kathy Griffin (last seen in "Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project"), Nikki Glaser (last seen in "Albert Brooks: Defending My Life"), Nicole Richie (last seen in "Summer Camp"), Layla Mohammadi, Sterling Sulieman (last seen in "In Time"), Jon Gabrus (last seen in "Bombshell"), Joey Fatone (last seen in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3"), Ken Marino (last seen in "For a Good Time, Call..."), Will Arnett (last heard in "Paul Anka: His Way"), Rob Riggle (last seen in "Big Miracle"), Madeleine Guilbot, Kennedi Butler, Oscar Daniel Reyez, Teddy Gatewood, Colter Lee, Kim Griffin, Aaron Eisenberg, Ari Loeb (last seen in "Zombieland: Double Tap"), Ruha Taslimi, Lela Hoffmeister, Alison Rich (last heard in "The Mitchells vs. the Machines"), Dan Black (last seen in "The Naked Gun"), David Banks, Tanner Swagger (last seen in "Your Place or Mine"), Cayden Romero, Gordon Tarpley (last seen in "Army of the Dead"),

RATING: 4 out of 10 baby goats