BEFORE: OK, so full disclosure, I snuck out to the movies a couple of weeks ago and saw the new "Star Wars" movie - it's probably the LONGEST I've ever waited to see a movie from this franchise since the whole damn thing started, almost FIFTY years ago now. Honestly I don't remember how long "Episode IV: A New Hope" was in theaters before I saw it, my parents took a lot of convincing in those days if I wanted to see something that wasn't a Disney animated feature, I was only eight years old when "Star Wars" started up. But yeah, if you're going to transition out of kiddie movies and into the real hard-core stuff, that's the film you probably want to mainline, it's a gateway movie but I have to warn you, that's a real easy path to addiction, you're going to find yourself going to the theater again and again and again over your whole lifetime. What's worse is getting so hooked on the space junk that you actually consider a career in film production and you make your life decisions based on that, it can really mess you up, I can tell you firsthand. I'm only about 400 days clean myself, which means I get a chip or something, right? (My name is John, I'm a former filmworker, it's been 400 days since I worked on a movie, but I'm still watching them every night and I feel the urge to produce again...)
If I've done this right, Pedro Pascal carries over from "Freaky Tales".
FOLLOW-UP TO: "Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker" (Movie #3,396)
THE PLOT: Once a lone bounty hunter, Mandalorian Din Djarin and his apprentice, Grogu, embark on an exciting new adventure, hunting down Imperial warlords for the New Republic.
AFTER: I was very excited when I learned that Sigourney Weaver would be joining the "Star Wars" franchise, not just because she's a great actress, strong female figure, somebody on a par with Carrie Fisher, Natalie Portman, etc - but for me personally, I had a documentary about her sitting at the TOP of my Doc Block plan. Now part of this was just the way that the linking was going to shake down, but then once I saw today's film, it made my life so much easier, I already had my entry point to the upcoming chain. So all I had to do now was get HERE by way of Pedro Pascal, and it kind of took me all of June to do that, I really sort of had to bend my plans over backward to get here in basically three weeks' time. But I made it!
In the days that came after the release of this, the first "Star Wars" film we've been given in seven years, a lot of people complained that this one was too derivative. Please note that these are the SAME people who would complain online if the new "Star Wars" film was too much like the ones that have come before. So they want something new, but not TOO far out there, so new-ish? So this is kind of why every new character is sort of a riff on an older, established character - the Mandalorian has armor which is sort of like Boba Fett's, only better. And Grogu is sort of like Yoda, only cuter. The big cave-snake is kind of like a dianoga meets a krayt dragon, and that's a design choice that's pretty well calculated. They use the Hutts as characters, because that's easier than establishing a new species or a new gang of criminals. So what you end up with, therefore, is something that's a patchwork assembly of a bunch of things we've kind of seen before, but at the same time, that sets this film firmly in the Star Wars Universe.
We still don't know the complete origin of Grogu, of course - they didn't explain this during the "Mandalorian" streaming series, and they're not going to explain it now. It doesn't matter where he came from, only that he's here. It would ruin the mystery if they named his exact species or said that Yoda had a fling with Yaddle but the Jedi back then didn't believe in attachments, so they just kept it casual. He got rescued from the Jedi temple before Order 66, that's all you need to know, Din Djarin is his father now, even though Grogu will outlive him, by like a lot. Stop asking so many questions, just roll with it, not everything needs to be fed to us as if we're hungry baby birds.
It's good to see Din working for the New Republic, though - and tracking down Imperial fugitives for them so they can't work on re-forming the Empire or becoming rogue warlords on various planets in the Outer Rim. The sabacc deck of the wanted Imperials feels like a direct reference to the playing cards used to keep track of the Iraqi warlords during the real-life Gulf Wars. Anyway it seems the former Rebel Alliance has a handle on things and pays pretty well, so all of that feels like progress. Din and Grogu have a little homestead on a remote planet, I think they bought that with the bounties earned during Season 3 of the show. The rumor going around was that the plot of this movie would have been used for Season 4, but was compressed into a solo movie - I don't see how that's possible, there simply aren't enough twists and turns here to fill a TV season, but there are plenty for a two-hour film.
And there's a new take on the Hutts, too, which you probably heard about already - we were introduced to a baby Hutt, Jabba's offspring, in the initial "Clone Wars" animated film, and now he's all grown up and trying to be better than his father. (Umm, yeah, Hutts can actually change their gender at different times in their lives, so we're not sure if Jabba is Rotta's father or mother. Let's say father, it's just easier, plus it fits with my theme, and this could be the LAST Father's Day film for the month, unless tomorrow...). Din Djarin is now tasked with rescuing Rotta the Hutt from captivity on the moon Shakari, where he's forced to fight gladiator battles in a sort of intergalactic WWE. (Hey, remember that scene in the first "Star Wars" where R2D2 played Holochess with Chewbacca? Yeah, it's exactly like that.). If Din can rescue Rotta, as a favor to the Hutt Twins (Jabba's replacements) then they'll work with the New Republic and divulge the location of the former Imperial Admiral Coin. It's a quid pro quo, of sorts.
A couple of problems arise when Din attempts his rescue. First he tries to buy out Rotta's wrestling contract from Lord Janu, only that's not for sale. Janu's planning a big match for Rotta's last fight, but the fix is in, there's no way he can survive, so really it's a death-match, and fans around the galaxy are ordering the Pay-Per-View, so no dice. Din also tries to convince Rotta that Janu doesn't have his best interest at heart, there's no way he'll ever be released from his contract unless he dies, and by the way, that's part of the plan. Rotta refuses to believe him, but he changes his tune during the gladiator match when he realizes it's a Royal Rumble, all the giant monsters in the galaxy against him. No worries, it's a Mandalorian and Hutt team-up that will save the day, win the match and also rescue Grogu from his adorable little cage. OK, so a few monsters got loose and terrorized civilians on Shakari, it's a small price to pay, anyway, Din's not getting paid to save civilians, he's only getting paid to deliver a Hutt. (You get your Hutt in 30 minutes or it's free, right?)
Rotta claims that being delivered to the Hutt Twins will be another death sentence for him, so he pleads with Din to not deliver him as planned - anyway Rotta's got the intel Din needed to find Coin, so sure, why not double-cross the Hutts? They were probably planning to double-cross Din, anyway, because they're Hutts. Din instead relies on a team-up with Zeb (an important character from the "Rebels" show who wasn't important enough to make it to the "Ahsoka" show) and they call an audible by going straight to attacking Coin's stronghold, which is pretty elegant, it cuts out the middle man and Din is able to deliver the highest card in that sabacc deck straight back to New Republic Headquarters. But working his way up the chain of a crime organization, that's when you realize that this "Star Wars" movie is also kind of a Jason Statham movie. One-man army and all that.
Great, that wraps up the movie early, we can all go home and get some... wait, don't forget about the Hutt Twins, who do not like being double-crossed. Plus they have a bunch of bounty hunters at their disposal, so they send Embo to find Din and Grogu at their quaint little homestead on that remote planet, and that's when you realize that this "Star Wars" movie is also kind of a John Wick movie. Dozens of assassins trying to earn the same prize and all that.
Embo attacks Din and delivers him to Nal Hutta, leaving behind Grogu and four small Anzellans (think Babu Frik from Episode IX) who were modifying his new Razor Crest spaceship to follow after and try to initiate a rescue. Things do not go well, because the Hutt Twins remove Din's helmet, which is a breach of the Mandalorian Code, and they intend to slowly torture Rotta for the next hundred years or so (remember the Sarlacc pit from Episode VI, something like that). They toss Din into a pool beneath their throne room (remember the Rancor pit from Episode VI) and he has to battle a giant Dragonsnake. Mando is saved by Grogu and the Anzellans, but is bitten by the Dragonsnake in the process, and hovers near death. Grogu, however, believes he is only "mostly dead" and tries to find him an antidote after they escape.
(I think we all know the deal now when it comes to the Mandalorian - Pedro Pascal is NOT in the armored suit, not most of the time anyway. He provides the voice of the character, in the same way James Earl Jones always did the voice of Darth Vader. He does appear on screen for a couple of minutes, after the Hutts remove his helmet - but most of the time there are two professional stunt-men who do all of the physical stuff, and one of them is John Wayne's grandson or something. But at least they're getting screen credit now for their work, just like David Prowse did for being the physical body in the Darth Vader suit. Yeah, that was a guy who was very surprised when he finally saw Episode IV on the screen that his character sounded nothing like him, here he spoke all the lines on set and none of his dialogue was in the final film. Oh, well...)
It all builds to a climax as The Mandalorian, Grogu and their Hutt friend take on the Twins, Embo and a droid army (hey, remember the droid army from Episode I? Yeah, just like that, they're back). Meanwhile the Anzellans flew off to get reinforcements from the New Republic, and they return with the squadron comprised mostly of Lucasfilm employees making cameos, imagine that. I mean, there's power and there's power - in the future all of these visual effects guys will use AI to put themselves into EVERY movie, so sure, why not start now? I've got a bit of an issue with an overabundance of crew cameos here, but you know, George Lucas put his own kids into "Star Wars" movies and eventually made a cameo himself in Episode III, so sure, there's a bit of a precedence. Hell, even in the first "Star Wars" film the producer's daughter played a Jawa, nepotism is real and has always been part of the "Star Wars" universe.
Anyway, it's fine, I'll take whatever "Star Wars" film they want to make for me, no complaints. If you really want to know why there's no fourth season of "The Mandalorian" it has more to do with the Hollywood labor disputes of 2023. If those hadn't happened, we'd all be watching season four on Disney Plus right now, but instead we have this film. It's fine. So it's the lowest grossing "Star Wars" film since "Solo", well that's kind of what you get when you Disney-fy the franchise. If you just want to make movies that appeal to kids, sure, it's going to hurt at the box office. Just think about that for a bit, Lucasfilm, you know what you have to do - you can have your puppet show but you've got to add in some stuff for the adults, the people who were kids back in the day and went to see Episodes 4, 5 and 6 in the theaters about 20 times each. But I suppose we're all in our 50's now, at least, and we'll probably all just watch this one ONCE in the theater and then catch it again on streaming. It's a different world now, just saying.
Directed by Jon Favreau (director of "Cowboys & Aliens")
Also starring Brendan Wayne (last seen in "Cowboys & Aliens"), Lateef Crowder (last seen in "Triple Frontier"), Sigourney Weaver (last seen in "Butterfly in the Sky"), Jonny Coyne (last seen in "Secrets & Lies"), Matthew Willig (last seen in "Term Life"), Hemky Madera (last seen in "The Happytime Murders"), Cullen Douglas (last seen in "Love Liza"), Nigel Gibbs (last seen in "Eagle Eye"), Bahia Haifi, Ajay Mehta (last seen in "Too Big to Fail"), Peter Breitmayer (last seen in "A Serious Man"), Rose Portillo (last seen in "The Mean Season"), Joel Stoffer (last seen in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"), Sonny Saito (last seenin "Letters from Iwo Jima"), Paul Sun-Hyung Lee (last seen in "Robocop" (2014)), Landis R. Fields IV
with the voices of Steve Blum (last heard in "Shazam!"), Shirley Henderson (last seen in "Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy"), Stephen McKinley Henderson (last seen in "Good Fortune"), Martin Scorsese (last seen in "Beatles '64"), Jeremy Allen White (last seen in "Springsteen: Deliver Me from Nowhere") and cameos from Doug Chiang, Deborah Chow, Lee Isaac Chung, Anthony Daniels (last seen in "A Disturbance in the Force"), Dave Filoni (ditto), Rick Famuwiya,
RATING: 8 out of 10 snowtroopers (Hey, remember when they attacked the rebel base on Hoth in Episode V? Yeah, kinda like that...)
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