BEFORE: This film was stored on the constantly-crashing DVR that I replaced in January - at the time there was NO way to dub the film to DVD, because for some reason that didn't work with movies from HBO and Cinemax. So I lost access to the movie when I got the new DVR, but thankfully it's available on YouTube for free, and also on Roku. So it's now on the list of movies I've seen but don't have a physical back-up copy of, and if it ever runs on cable again I can get a copy of it then.
Samuel L. Jackson carries over again from "The Piano Lesson". I'm guessing that he holds the record for appearances overall in the last almost-5000 films, but I can't really be sure, because it would take too long to calculate that. But a quick search tells me he's been in at least 81 of those movies, soon to be 83.
THE PLOT: While doing a favor for a friend and searching for a runaway teenager, a police detective stumbles upon a bizarre band of criminals about to pull off a bank robbery.
AFTER: This was supposed to be a good, short, twisty little heist movie - but maybe it's a little TOO twisty, because it's only 97 minutes long, but the last 30 minutes feels like it's about two hours long when you're going through it. Things are supposed to be wrapping UP by that point, but during the post-heist getaway section things keep getting more complicated and more problematic, and it's just like, "When the hell is this thing going to be resolved?" Maybe it's just me, maybe time will fly by for you during the last section, I don't know.
The whole film kind of suffers from a "wrong place, wrong time" vibe, because things weren't supposed to go down like this at all, the cop, Jack Friar, played by Samuel L. Jackson, was supposed to be at a classical music fantasy camp in the Berkshires, playing the cello with Yo-Yo Ma or something, and anyway he doesn't normally even look for missing people, he usually just tracks down stolen cars. BUT his neighbor needed a favor, her daughter ran away to be with her skeevy boyfriend on Turk St. (maybe? the mother didn't seem so sure of the street) and Jack broke his personal rule about helping people just this one time, and look where it got him. While he was napping in the car on Turk St. it began to rain, and also he dozed off because he's diabetic and his blood sugar was low, and when he woke up and saw an old lady fall on the steps with her oranges and grapefruits going everywhere, naturally he went to help her. She invited him in to meet her cranky old husband and have a cup of tea, and then he made the mistake of mentioning he was a cop and looking for someone, and the next thing you know, he's getting knocked out and tied up because he's unknowingly entered the hide-out of a group of bank robbers, two of which are that elderly couple.
There are five people in the gang, the mastermind, the psycho muscle, the older couple, and the femme fatale, who's in charge of seducing the bank employee, meanwhile she's in some kind of a relationship with the mastermind AND the muscle, and jeez, for all we know she's banging the old couple, too, why not? There are no rules with this lot. I guess her job is to not wear a lot of clothes and make everyone fall for her, I don't personally find this actress all that attractive, but yeah, I guess I see it. She was like the Anya Taylor-Joy of the late 1990's, willing to take any role and be naked or close to it, but just not my cup of tea. (What can I say, I liked "nice" girls, like if Kim Basinger was going to be naked in a movie, sure, I'll watch that, but then if Shelley Long or Teri Garr was going to be in her underwear, oh, man, that was so much more appealing...)
Where were we - oh, right, the cop's tied up in the hideout while the bank robbers move up their timeline and go do the bank robbery thing, because they think the cops are on to them. This involves the mastermind meeting with their man on the inside while the muscle goes down in the basement and knocks out the bank's power. This causes all transactions to cease, however the mastermind is pretending to be a wealthy client who NEEDS that $10 million transfer to take place before it's 6 pm in Europe or something. This means the bank manager needs to give him a floppy disk with the transfer codes, and he can take that with him and make the transfer via computer. I don't know, this all sounds a bit weird, is it possible to rob a bank this way? I'm going to have to check the "goofs" section on IMDB to be sure.
I think I prefer the bank heist movies where the robbers blow up the safe, or drill into the safe, or hold people at gunpoint. Just walking away with a floppy disk feels like a real letdown by comparison. It's supposed to be an action movie, not an "inaction" movie. Show, don't tell. Meanwhile the femme is supposed to be watching the cop who's tied up, and she somehow ends up with him untied and they play a duet, her on the piano and him on the cello. Then they both play the cello together in a sexy sort of way, and he wants to kiss her neck, and then she somehow owes him for not breaking or neck. This might be enticing if it weren't so blatantly stupid. Look, either have sex or don't, it doesn't matter to me, just please don't waste my time.
How damaged is this woman that she's carrying on a relationship with two members of the gang, the patsy at the bank and she STILL wants to get something going with the cop, her prisoner? Erin, who hurt you? Or are we dealing with a screenwriter who just doesn't know what to do with a female character, except make her have sex with every male character in the movie? You know, women do other things sometimes, they can be doctors or lawyers or do just about anything, they're not only here to seduce all the men around them.
The mastermind and the muscle deal with the bank guy (who won't give up his password, big mistake) and then FINALLY circle back to deal with the cop. Friar pulls a fast one by pointing out that they shouldn't kill him, they should use him as a driver who can get them to the border faster, because he's got a siren in his car. This at least gives him some time to come up with a plan on how to get the better of the gang leader, and also give the girl a chance to make her own decision about who she wants to be with, the cop or the gang leader? You know, I've found it best to not force people to make this kind of choice, because you're likely to not like their decisions.
At the end, I was left wondering whatever happened to that girl who ran away? Would it kill you to give us an update on her, you know, she was the reason for Jack to be out and about in the first place, without that he never would have encountered these bank robbers.
Directed by Bob Rafelson (director of "The Postman Always Rings Twice" (1981) and "Five Easy Pieces")
Also starring Milla Jovovich (last seen in "Paradise Hills"), Stellan Skarsgard (last seen in "Dune: Part Two"), Doug Hutchison (last seen in "Shaft" (2000)), Joss Ackland (last seen in "Once Upon a Crime..."), Grace Zabriskie (last heard in "Cryptozoo"), Jonathan Higgins (last seen in "The United States vs. Billie Holiday"), Shannon Lawson (last seen in "Where the Truth Lies"), Robert Welch, Francis X. McCarthy (last seen in 'On the Basis of Sex"), Noel Burton (last seen in "Pieces of a Woman"), Roberto Blizzard, Terence Bowman, Robert Brewster (last seen in "Moonfall"), Peter Blascke, Jennifer Seguin (last seen in "The Sum of All Fears"), Larry Day (last seen in "The Bone Collector"), Tony Calabretta (last seen in "Heist"), Joris Jarsky (last seen in "The Little Things"), with a cameo from Emily VanCamp (last seen in "The Ring Two").
RATING: 4 out of 10 drive-through teller windows (on the way to the Canadian border)
No comments:
Post a Comment