BEFORE: OK, long story to tell but at least I can proceed with the countdown - originally this film was next to "Poms" on my list because of the obvious connection, but then as I started going through the Mother's Day films I saw a "better" order, one that I thought would end a certain way and connect with "Yours, Mine & Ours", which was a potential Father's Day film as well, since it's about two parents raising a blended family. But that just wasn't going to work, because what was I going to do, stop watching movies for a month between the two holidays? That would be ridiculous. So I was probably always going to change that.
But as a result I had four films in a block that could be arranged a number of different ways, and in that case it matters which film is last, because that would be the link to the next section of the chain, which I hadn't blocked out yet. So I figured once I got closer I'd know more, and thus figure out how that little section needed to end. Well, I got busy and I got close to the blank part, so I needed to stop and figure out the next section. It turns out that I should have stuck with the ORIGINAL order on Mother's Day films, but unfortunately it was a complicated job to figure that out, I had to know which films about fathers I was likely to program in June, and then of course there was the Documentary puzzle to solve. Although I had 36 or so doc arranged in an imperfect circle, that only made things more confusing, as there were hundreds of ways to get into that circle, which was best? Really, it wasn't a question of HOW so much as WHEN, so really, I just had to get the chain to Father's Day and then take the next on-ramp to the documentary highway.
So I put movies on pause while I worked that all out, which you know, really worked out great because I had to go to work early on Thursday so Wednesday night was just all about the linking, and I found a path to Father's Day AND July 4 and so now after I take next week off, everything's programmed until almost the end of July, which is a relief. And taking a pause also put the "TRUE" Mother's Day films closer to the holiday itself, so it's a win all around.
Diane Keaton carries over "Poms", and it feels like maybe that was the way it was meant to be, I could have just stuck with that. And here are the actor links for the rest of May, now available: Zachary Gordon, Dermot Mulroney, Jacki Weaver, Mark Wahlberg, Kevin Hart. Sure, it looks a bit short because I'm taking off next week, but also because those last two guys will be in like five films each. Let's clear some movies off the list!
THE PLOT: A meddling mother tries to set her daughter up with the right man so her kid won't follow in her footsteps.
AFTER: The other linking problem I had with this film came from trying to determine (without having seen it) if it counts as a romance film or a Mother's Day film. I suppose it could be either or both, but then that sort of made it neither - I had it on the list next to a bunch of films scheduled for February, but then the linking took a turn and it got kind of stranded, however it still linked to so many other rom coms that I figured it wouldn't be stranded indefinitely. But come February I was likely to say, "Oh, that film would be great for Mother's Day" and then when programming May I'd be just as likely to say, "Oh, that's a romance film, save it for next year's chain." And then as a result I'd just never get around to it, you can see that happening, right?
Unfortunately the movie is just as muddled as that - is this a film about romance or a film about mothering? Is Mom always right, or is she proven wrong in the long run? Should mothers keep having influence over their adult daughters' lives, or do they need to know when to back off? It's absolutely maddening that the film can't give us any clear answers on these points - and there simply must be answers! Why, it's almost like the screenwriter was hedging their bets, and they didn't want to alienate either the mothers OR the daughters in the audience, so they couldn't draw any firm conclusions or take a strong stand on these points! So as a result, Mom is always right about everything, but only until she is proven wrong. Mom means well, she only wants to see her daughter married and happy and therefore she keeps doling out the advice BUT it's driving her daughter crazy, so ALSO Mom has to learn when to stay out of things. WTF? How can both of these things be true? Life is complex, sure, and there are two sides to every story but when a character is CLEARLY depicted as a "helicopter mom" who can't stop hovering, and it's really, really screwing up her daughter and affecting their relationship, well then we've all just got to agree that Mom needs to take a chill pill, and Milly really really needs to start making her own decisions.
Mom says to wear the polka-dot dress, but Milly doesn't like polka dots. OK, so why does Milly give in on this point? Just don't wear the dress that Mom picked out for you IF you don't like it. Thinking for yourself and living your own life has to start somewhere, and that's as good a place as any - start with something small, maybe learn to pick out your own clothes? And then if that goes well, you can start picking out your romantic partners and dealing with the fall out instead of running to Mommy and your two sisters every time things don't go your way. You're never going to leave the nest this way, MIlly, cut the damn cord already. You've got your own catering business and that's going well, now you just need to learn to make better choices regarding who to date, and if you can't find a suitable partner, just don't date anyone for a while, there's no law against being single and just focusing on your business, wait until the right one comes along, that's better advice.
But no, Mom Daphne can't wait either, she's married off her two older daughters and now she's focused on Milly, to the point where she takes out a personal ad on behalf of her daughter and she meets with all the men herself, to weed out the undesirables, and in a sexist, racist and possibly transphobic montage that makes absolutely no sense, Daphne rejects a long line of suitors for all kinds of reasons - this one sneezes, this one's foreign, this one has bad teeth and this one's a transsexual. Huh? Why would a trans person even answer this ad in the first place? Mom's taking meetings with a lot of randos who either didn't even READ the ad or I guess wandered into the wrong restaurant by accident? It's very stupid and also not funny.
But the ad produces ONE potential suitor, Jason, who is an architect and loves wine and Italian food and seems perfect. Correct that, TWO potential suitors, because Johnny, the guy playing music in that café is very curious about the older woman conducting speed dating sessions in the corner, and when he finds out what's going on, he proposes himself as a match for Milly. What? A musician? Beat it, you damn hippie, you don't qualify, who can possibly fall in love with a musician, they never have any money and they live on tour and sleep with groupies and they couldn't possibly want to settle down with a nice WASP-y girl from, umm, Los Angeles? NYC? I'm not even sure, but hit the bricks, you deadbeat guitar player!
Mom sets up a "chance" meeting between Milly and Jason by getting him to hire her catering company for a corporate party. Meanwhile, Johnny decides to track down Milly on his own and have his own meet-cute by buying her ice cream from a truck. Oh, these guys couldn't be more different, but Milly starts dating both of them, and then before long she's in a love triangle of her own creation (OK, half was her mother's creation) and isn't that just the classic romantic dilemma?
Jason's single and eventually he suggests he might be thinking about proposing, while Johnny is a single dad with a kid who's on the spectrum, and a father who helps him take care of little Lionel. Ah, it's the classic case of which to choose, love or money? Oh, if only Milly had had a mother who taught her the most important lesson, to make her OWN decisions - since Mom didn't do this, Milly can't possibly decide between them, so she keeps dating both, and that's a no-win situation, it turns out. Eventually the two men find out about each other, and Mom's scheme with the personal ad is exposed, and Milly separates herself from her over-helpful mother. Well, at least she got there, but there probably was a less painful way to go.
Meanwhile, Mom finds herself in a very similar dilemma, Milly's rich boyfriend Jason wants to set her up with his rich uncle, but she instead finds herself drawn to Johnny's middle-class father. Again, classic dilemma, to choose love or money, and Mom essentially makes the same choice as her daughter does, so why isn't THIS the focus of the last act, that Mom now understands the dilemma that her daughter had, choosing between two men, because she found herself in the same fix, and meanwhile now she understands that nobody can make that decision FOR Milly, not even her mother, and she has to grow the f*ck up and do that herself.
Ugh, the comedy here is unbearable, like when it's revealed that Mom Daphne has never had an orgasm, though she's had three daughters apparently her husband never did sex right. Well, come on, there's an easy enough fix for that, instead of asking her daughters what that feels like, why not just have one by herself? It should be easy enough, why isn't that an option? You may need a partner for sex, but you don't need one to have an orgasm. Really, this is basic stuff and for the film to not acknowledge this, it's really stupid and not funny.
Also stupid and not funny is showing Mom "accidentally" finding porn on the web and then suddenly she's also on the phone and she's forgotten how to lower the volume on her computer OR turn the monitor off OR press pause on the video OR even unplug the computer - any of these quick solutions would have solve the problem, but no, she chooses to keep smashing the keyboard randomly hoping for a miracle. And this scenario happens not just once, but TWICE. Give me a break.
Another repeated non-funny joke was to have Mom baking cakes for MIlly's catering business, and every time she tries to deliver one, something happens and Diane Keaton gets covered in cake or gets her face smashed into the frosting. Somewhere out there in the world there's this ONE guy with a Diane Keaton frosting fetish, and God damn, but this is THAT guy's favorite movie. Still, he probably needs therapy. But when mothers are involved, don't we all?
Also starring Mandy Moore (last seen in "A Walk to Remember"), Gabriel Macht (last seen in "The Object of My Affection"), Tom Everett Scott (last seen in "The Love Letter"), Lauren Graham (last seen in "The Answer Man"), Piper Perabo (last seen in "Angel Has Fallen"), Stephen Collins (last seen in "Blood Diamond"), Ty Panitz, Matt Champagne (last seen in "The Giant Mechanical Man"), Colin Ferguson, Tony Hale (also last seen in "The Answer Man"), Sophina Brown, Karen Leigh Hopkins (last seen in "Going Berserk"), Gerald Downey (last seen in "Birds of Prey"), Ingrid Sanai Buron, Jennifer Bolton Lee, Alexis Rhee (last seen in "Black Panther"), Shu Lan Tuan (last seen in "Kill Bill: Vol. 1"), Steve Little (last seen in "The Ugly Truth"), John Ross Bowie (last seen in "Sex Drive"), Parvesh Cheena (last seen in "All I Wish"), Doug Budin, William Belli (last seen in "Cinema Verite"), Carlo Manchini, Mary Pat Gleason (last seen in "Blended"), Judi Barton (last seen in "The Hoax"), Rudolph Willrich (last seen in "The Front"), David Purdham (last seen in "The Aviator"), P.J. Byrne (last seen in "Babylon"), Nate Petre, Levi Chambers, Zachary Gordon (last seen in "The Brothers Bloom") with archive footage of Mario Battali.
RATING: 4 out of 10 guitar class students
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