BEFORE: For once, I had other linking options coming out of "The Girl on the Train" - I've got more films with Rebecca Ferguson, and also more films with Allison Janney, but I'll get to all of those in the first half of May. I've got a few other films on Netflix and Academy screeners before the clock runs out on April.
Lisa Kudrow, who played a key figure in "The Girl on the Train" (yet, one who it seems was NOT in the book...) carries over for another appearance tonight. Sometimes I look to my Saturday film to tie up a week in some kind of meaningful way, but I don't know if I can count on this film for that. However, it does feature Anna Kendrick playing a character looking for love (as in "Mr. Right") and seems to detail a family function gone wrong ("God's Pocket"). Stretching things a bit further, it is set at a hotel (like "The Florida Project") and features at least one marriage in trouble and a bit of ex-stalking (as in "The Girl on the Train"). But I think I'm trying to force connections at this point in the process.
THE PLOT: Eloise, having been relieved of maid of honor duties after being dumped by the best man via text, decides to attend the wedding anyway, only to find herself seated with five fellow unwanted guests at the dreaded Table 19.
AFTER: For the third night in a row, I'm joined in my nightly viewing process by my BFF Andy, who's staying with me while attending some events in NYC. He bailed on "The Girl on the Train" about 15 minutes in, and I support that decision. I had to finish the film, for the sake of being a completist, but he did not. But when I'm joined by a guest, then "EbertFest" rules apply, meaning that I'm willing to pause the film at any point if either of us has an insight, or wishes to object to something. When alone, I merely make a mental note about a Nitpick Point and try to soldier on.
There was a lot to object to here, because there seem to be massive story problems at every level, which I'll try to translate into NPs as best as I can. But on the surface, this film wanted very badly to be an above-average wedding-based comedy, and it chose to do that by magnifying that feeling that most of us have had, of being outsiders in a room of insiders, of being different or made to feel "less than" for some reason, based on our looks, or some disagreement we had, or someone just plain telling us that we don't fit in somehow. It's nice to think that if only all of those people, or heck, even if just TWO of those people who didn't fit in could find each other and unite, then things might be different for them, they could at least be united in their separateness, and therefore not separate any more.
(I always think back to Chris Rock's joke about the Columbine shootings, about how these kids who each felt bullied and alone should have just been friends with each other, because there were six of them in that "Trenchcoat Mafia" club. But that was part of the problem, they did find each other, and it only led to them teaming up to shoot people more efficiently.).
The premise of this film is that the last table in the banquet hall, the one furthest from the head table, is the one where all the "leftover" people end up, the people who didn't fit in with any other groups, like the Single Cousins or the Bride's Father's Work Friends. And if society is one giant wedding hall, then the "Randos", the ones without opportunities or social skills, tend to end up at the bottom, I get that. The theory is confirmed when Eloise, who helped plan the wedding and organize the seating chart, finds herself moved from Table 2 way down to Table 19, with the bride's former nanny, a misfit cousin, a business rival couple, and an awkward teen. What we're then led to believe, however is that these six strangers end up bolstering each other's confidence and are just the exact magic combination to not only save the wedding, but solve a whole bunch of long-term personal problems. Umm, yeah.
(As unlikely as it sounds, the attempt at a meaningful theme is not terrible here, I've seen the real-world turn-around within my lifetime, thanks to the internet and Hollywood blockbusters, it's now so cool to be a geek, for example. When I was a young man, it wasn't hip to be into programming computers, or reading comic-books, or even to be a fan of science fiction films. These days, all of those things are HELLA cool. OK, so guys who play football and drive amazing cars are still cooler than geeks, but a lot of progress has been made. Whatever your thing is, you can now find other people who also dig that thing - it wasn't always like that. Gradually, people of my generation found each other in high school or at conventions - people who also liked playing chess, building rockets or watching "Doctor Who" and we built those friendships and we paved the way. Some of us even grew up and married people with similar interests, making it hip to be square, even if just in retrospect.).
About 45 minutes in, we had to pause the film and note that the story really hadn't settled on a direction yet, and that it could go several different routes from that particular point - essentially, it could still redeem itself or confirm itself as a terrible story, depending on the ending. And since the "true nature" of each character hadn't been revealed yet, we took stabs at directions it might take. We each correctly predicted one thing - however, Andy scored a point and guessed the deal with the nanny because he was trying to predict "What's the lamest possible thing this storyline could reveal?" and I think I got mine because I've seen so many wedding-based romantic comedies, but essentially I correctly predicted the identity of Eloise's "mystery man" Huck the same way, by thinking of the most ironic, and therefore worst possibility.
Not long after that, the six members of Table 19 commit a large "party foul" and for this reason, decide to leave the wedding, so it seems like perhaps this is the end of the story, or perhaps a dramatic 90-degree turn. But honestly, it did seem like the comic possibilities of these six characters in that situation had been exhausted, so perhaps it was for the best. They retired to one hotel room for quiet reflection, bonding and some reefer, and slowly started the process of coming together as a unit to work on their collective and individual problems. I've heard it's bad form to leave a wedding reception before the bride, but in this case it seems an exception must be made. Since the film took its sweet time in presenting the proper back-stories for these characters, it needed to carve out some time to do this in the middle, rather than at the beginning.
Now, all that being said, this film ends up hitting everyone over the head with its attempts at symbolism. "We're all at the same wedding, it's the same celebration no matter what table you're at." Give me a break! Beyond the sappiness of this idea, that we're all equal riders on Spaceship Earth, which obviously isn't true, this concept goes against the premise of the film, which is that there ARE people who are awkward and don't fit in. While they shouldn't have to conform to society's standards, it's also not helpful to pretend that there's no social hierarchy in the first place. There are other examples, like the married couple walking through the woods, saying "Well, I don't know which way we are going..." Oooh, there's some deep, meaningful dialogue right there! You can almost hear the screenwriter patting himself on the back for that one!
Finally, FINALLY in the last half-hour, this film starts to resolve a few things, about who these six characters are and what they all want to get out of life. And there are a couple of good comic turns there, but it sort of feels like it might be too little, too late at that point. Besides, too many things still don't make any sense, such as:
NITPICK POINT: What was up with that ferry leaving the wedding, with the entire wedding party on it? Who DOES that? I've seen weddings where the bride and groom depart, ostensibly to leave for their honeymoon, but I've never seen an entire wedding party leave the scene. Aren't any of them staying over at the hotel that night? Where is the ferry going, and why did the best man, maid of honor, etc. have to go along? The boat seems pretty full, so WTF? And then, which wedding guests didn't go on the ferry, and waved goodbye from the dock? This made no sense, it was clearly written in just to separate Eloise from the best man, so therefore it's very contrived. Meanwhile, the bride's mother was back at the banquet room, passed out drunk, so did nobody notice that she was missing? That doesn't seem right.
Tied closely to this is NITPICK POINT #2, which is, if everyone left on the ferry, why didn't the wedding band start packing up? Did they decide to have a rehearsal immediately following their performance? Again, the screenplay dictates that the members of Table 19 need to dance to something, but there would be no motivation for the band to stick around, unless someone forgot to pay them, or paid them by the hour instead of a flat fee. Like MAYBE the ferry ride was some kind of half-hour fun event between the dessert course and last call, but this seems very unlikely, and now I'm doing the screenwriter's job for him again.
And then there's this problem with the set-up, if Eloise is such a good friend of the bride, AND she was deeply involved with the event planning, why didn't the bride fight for her to maintain her status as the maid of honor? They always say a wedding is "the bride's day", so the implication there is that the bride should get what she wants. There's no rule that says that the best man and the maid of honor can't be ex-lovers, OK so maybe it would be awkward if they have to dance together once, but these petty things ideally should be put aside so the bride and groom can have their perfect day. Anyway, who chooses the bride's brother as a best man? Back in the old days, the best man was supposed to be a potential substitute for the groom, he could marry the bride if the groom backed out at the last minute. OK, so that's no longer a convention in today's society, but still, it seems a bit awkward to have a best man for whom that would constitute incest. So let's call this another half NITPICK POINT. Anyway, why is Eloise even remotely interested in her ex at this point, because it sounds like his whole family didn't stick up for her - so what makes her think things will be different in the future? Dealing with his family would be one long, relentless struggle - so is it really worth it?
Also starring Anna Kendrick (last seen in "Mr. Right"), Craig Robinson (last heard in "Sausage Party"), June Squibb (last seen in "Far From Heaven"), Stephen Merchant (last seen in "Logan"), Tony Revolori (last seen in "The 5th Wave"), Wyatt Russell (last seen in "22 Jump Street"), Amanda Crew (last seen in "Race"), Thomas Cocquerel, Becky Ann Baker, Andrew Daly (last seen in "What Happens in Vegas"), Maria Thayer (last seen in "Hitch"), Andy Blitz, Rya Meyers, Richard Haylor, Andy Stahl, Megan Lawless, and the voice of Margo Martindale (last heard in "Cars 3").
RATING: 5 out of 10 place cards
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