BEFORE: SNOW DAY! The first one of the year. I could probably drag my ass from Queens to Brooklyn today, because the subways are running - but then there's no guarantee that I'd be able to get home. If the storm gets worse, as they're saying it will, then they could shut down the subway at any point, like they did during the major storms in the past couple of winters. Then why do we even have a damn subway system, if not to help people get around when they can't drive a car? The city government says that they do this to encourage people to not go out into the storm, but still there are people like doctors and fireman who have to get to work to keep the city safe and running, and shutting down the system in the afternoon just means they'll all be stranded at work, which makes no sense to me. Anyway, my job is hardly essential to keeping the world running, so it makes sense to just hunker down and ride out the snow cyclone or the thunder-snow or the snow-pocalypse, or whatever new term the media has come up with to scare the crap out of us.
Harvey Keitel carries over from "The Comedian", and though I did a bunch of Michael Caine films last year, this one came into my possession too late to be included with those. Plus I was waiting for tomorrow's film to show up on cable, and both seem to be right in line with my unintended theme for the week.
THE PLOT: A retired orchestra conductor is on vacation with his daughter and his best friend, a film director, in the Alps when he receives an invitation from Queen Elizabeth II to perform for Prince Philip's birthday.
AFTER: I've never seen any films directed by Fellini, but this is a bit like what I imagine Fellini's films are like - people sit around and discuss the meaning of life, while random naked people appear in the background. (I probably should watch something by Fellini to see if I'm right, and because those films are classic cinema...I've been avoiding Bergman too for mostly the same reasons.)
There is a loose plot here, as mentioned above two old friends are visiting a spa in, where, Italy? Switzerland? This almost seems like the sort of film somebody made after "The Grand Budapest Hotel" became a hit (and before that "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel") because this hotel is similarly populated with a bunch of wacky characters, only there's not as much of a coherent plot line. However, this is a lot less flash-backy than that Wes Anderson film.
An aging conductor/composer is on holiday with a film director, the conductor has brought along his daughter/assistant, and the director has brought along a bunch of screenwriters who are hashing out the next draft of a script. We learn that these two men have been friends for 60 years, and are still arguing over women they knew 40 or 50 years ago, plus we eventually learn that one's daughter is married to the other one's son, and that marriage may be on the rocks. Meanwhile the conductor gets contacted by someone representing the royal family to request a command performance of his work "Simple Songs", and also there's an actor staying at the spa who's preparing for a difficult role, plus Miss Universe shows up there and so does a very large soccer player.
That's about it, overall it's very disjointed and fails to gel into a coherent narrative, instead the film seems content to show us a number of surreal images, like the conductor imagining himself conducting the sounds of nature in a cow pasture, which I admit is sonically clever, and the director imagining a field full of all the actresses he's directed over the years, who range from difficult to insane to just plain annoying. But we've seen this sort of thing before, in films like "9" (which of course is based on "8 1/2", which brings me back to Fellini).
There's obvious tie-ins to yesterday's film, which was also about trying to remain relevant beyond the age of 70, whether you're a comedian or director or composer, it's all the same. But at least yesterday's film was hopeful about being productive in one's golden years, this one, not so much. Here growing old means that you'll be having banal conversations with your friends about being regular, and that's if you're lucky. This also means you get to watch the people you love drift out of your life, or pass away or suffer from dementia and again, that's if you're lucky. So we all have that to look forward to. Thanks for bringing the room down.
Also starring Michael Caine (last seen in "Now You See Me 2"), Rachel Weisz (last seen in "Enemy at the Gates"), Paul Dano (last seen in "Love & Mercy"), Jane Fonda (last seen in "This Is Where I Leave You"), Alex Macqueen (last seen in "Cinderella"), Roly Serrano, Luna Mijovic, Robert Seethaler, Tom Lipinski (last seen in "Labor Day"), Chloe Pirrie, Alex Beckett, Nate Dern, Mark Gessner, Ed Stoppard (last seen in "The Pianist"), Paloma Faith (last seen in "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus"), Mark Kozelek (last seen in "Shopgirl"), Madalina Diana Ghenea (last seen in "Zoolander 2"), Sumi Jo, Viktoria Mullova.
RATING: 3 out of 10 cowbells
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