BEFORE: I was so happy to be back watching movies and posting again that yesterday I forgot to issue my annual dedication for 2018. Last year it was easy, I just dedicated the next 300 films to the memory of Carrie Fisher, but this year's a little tougher. I went up and down the list of the fallen tributes from last year's Hunger Games, from Mary Tyler Moore to Adam West to Hugh Hefner to David Cassidy to Jerry Lewis, but I didn't really have a personal connection to any of them - maybe Jerry Lewis has been in my countdown the most, but that's not really how I make my dedications. So by default I'm going to dedicate the coming year to Tom Petty. I've really dug his music, plus he and I shared our birthday, and if I've got any regrets over rockers who I failed to see perform live, that list probably only contains George Harrison and Tom Petty. While I don't own all of his albums, I've got most of them, and the "Playback" box set. I guess I can tie this in with my chain because he wrote a song for a Western that's coming up for viewing in January. So I'll acknowledge that again when it comes up in a few weeks. If you're not familiar with his movie work, please check out the soundtrack for the film "She's The One".
Paul Reubens carries over from "Pee-Wee's Big Holiday", and while I initially got this film to pair with "Midnight Special" on a DVD (both have kids with special powers) I figured I'd get around to it during August or September for back-to-school time. But the linking says it belongs here in January, to get me where I need to be tomorrow and by extension, next week.
THE PLOT: The story of a wonderful little girl, who happens to be a genius, and her wonderful teacher vs. the worst parents ever and the worst school principal imaginable.
AFTER: I end up watching a bunch of kiddie movies, most of them animated, but I don't have any children. This puts me in a couple of difficult spots, like explaining why I'm watching them in the first place (umm, I work in animation, so I have to watch the competition, right?). I grew up watching Disney films, in fact for the first 8 years of my life, that was the ONLY kind of movie I was allowed to watch. So naturally when I got old enough to choose my own entertainment, I stayed away from animated films for at least a decade, but then I found myself in the position of producing them, so after a few years I had to circle back and watch the Disney films like "The Lion King" and "The Little Mermaid" that I had missed during my time away.
I wish I could say that I was saving these movies for my niece and nephew to watch when they come to visit, but the truth is that they've never been to my home. And that leads me to wonder if my sister is just as over-protective of them as my mother was with me. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing per se, except that I feel that it took me longer to develop as an adult (in some ways, I'm still waiting) than it would if I had been exposed to the world differently when I was younger. Look, hindsight is always 20/20, but maybe if I had been allowed to play sports or watch something other than a Disney film, I might have had different social relations with others, or been better prepared for real-world disappointments when they came around. Because Disney films all end well, they're 90% sunshine and flowers and music and only about 10% about defeating the evil power.
But not having any kids puts me in another difficult spot, beyond explaining why I watch kiddie movies from time to time. It gives me zero authority when it comes to commenting on how kids SHOULD be raised - so even if I spot someone that's not doing it right, by my definition, I can't raise any objection, because I don't have a dog in that fight. I can't point to the perfect kid that I raised MY way, who's excelling at school and volunteering for charity on the weekends, while keeping a perfect mix of hobbies that look good on a college application. (When I was young, I did great in school, so if those are the benchmarks, then I was 1 for 3. But I guess I did help my father collect furniture for charity and I had a good mix of extra-curricular activities in high school, so maybe I did OK.)
Over the Christmas holiday, it was a little upsetting to learn that my 9-year old niece and nephew were expecting to get presents from Santa Claus - isn't that a little old to be believing in a magic bearded man who watches you from afar and rewards you for good behavior, and somehow visits every house in the Christian world in one night, which would require traveling faster than the speed of light? I mean, I get that this belief brings them (and my sister) joy on some level, but at some point, I would hope that a kid would start to think on his or her own, and figure out what's possible and what isn't. But I was warned that if I tried to tell them that Santa isn't real, then that would be a terrible thing to do, and I'd be the guy who ruined Christmas. Well, I certainly wasn't going to do that, but I also don't want them to be the last kids in their grade who haven't wised up, because then they'll be the objects of ridicule. Kids can be socially cruel, I know this first-hand.
I'd like to think that if I had a kid, he or she would figure out the Santa thing in a much quicker time-frame, because I would have raised that kid to think for him- or herself. Once you start with the whole Santa Claus nonsense, you've screwed yourself because in the future you've either got to destroy your kids' dreams, or watch as they become laughing stocks - so the only way to win is to not play in the first place. Same goes for the whole religion thing, because I'm an agnostic (bordering on atheist) then I wouldn't impose any belief system on a child, I'd wait for the kid to be old enough to make a rational decision on the existence of a higher power, and if I'd done my job right, that would occur at least by age 10. But it's easy for me to play "Monday Morning Quarterback" when I'm not even participating in the activity of child-rearing. And hey, my parents still believe in that OTHER magical bearded man who watches you from afar and then rewards you for good behavior, despite my best efforts to break them of their delusion - they're in their 70's and I keep wondering when they're going to smarten up.
I'm probably getting too far away from the movie "Matilda" here - but it does kind of tie in because this character was a self-starter, she taught herself how to read and then how to get books from the library, because her parents were total duds who didn't even want to send her to school for some reason. Plus they neglected her in other ways, not just in almost failing to provide her with an education, since her father was always busy cheating people at the used car lot, and her mother was always busy playing bingo. Matilda is forced to chart her own educational path until circumstances change, and an encounter with a teacher leads her father to believe that school might be the best place for her after all.
Unfortunately, it's a mixed bag as she really bonds with her teacher, but the school has the worst principal you can imagine. And since this story is based on a Roald Dahl book, and he was always very twisted in his depiction of certain adults (*cough* Willy Wonka *cough*) that's saying a lot. Ultimately this might as well have been a cartoon, because the characters are such outrageous stereotypes, beyond all rational possibility, that it's hard to imagine them existing in real life. The principal can't just be mean, she has to be SUPER-mean, the kind of person that throws kids out of windows, which just wouldn't be allowed in any school district anywhere, plus she was some kind of former Olympic shot-put champion or something, and not feminine in any way, like, do we have to spell it out for you here?
And once Matilda gets to school, the film doesn't seem to ever settle on a coherent plot line. Like, what's her end goal, surviving school or just getting revenge on every adult that ever yelled at her or put her down? Once Matilda figures out that adults are "people" (duh) that somehow means that they should be held accountable for their actions, and if they're not nice people, then they deserve to be pranked, or worse. That's a terrible message to send out to the kids, isn't it? Like, my sister also wouldn't let her kids watch "A Christmas Story" on TV, which is a Christmas classic - she just said she "didn't appreciate the humor", but since she wouldn't give me specifics, I'm thinking now it might have been because Ralphie wanted a rifle as a Christmas present, and she didn't want her kids to get any ideas. Or maybe she didn't want them sticking their tongues to flagpoles - but that doesn't make sense, because the film shows how that's a bad idea, and also all the adults keep telling Ralphie that he'll "shoot his eye out".
Look, it's tough to be a kid, especially when you don't see eye-to-eye with your parents, and it's probably tough to be a parent, because there are SO many ways to screw up a kid, either by being too strict or too lenient, by not encouraging them or by hovering over them. Thankfully there is a way to win, and I found it by not playing the game at all.
NITPICK POINT: How does Matilda's mother walk out of the hospital under her own power, so soon after giving birth? Don't most women need some form of assistance just after giving birth?
NITPICK POINT #2: How does Matilda have American parents, and seems to live in some American state, but she attends a school where all the staff seems British? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm currently burning all the "Harry Potter" films to DVD (I've seen them all before, but didn't save them) but in many ways this film seems like a precursor to Harry Potter - a kid who doesn't get along with the parents/family raising him/her, then goes to school and develops magical powers. Is it me?
NITPICK POINT #3: When the paperwork is signed at the end, there were no impartial witnesses to the signing, nor was the signature notarized. No way does that stand up in court.
Also starring Mara Wilson (last seen in "Mrs. Doubtfire"), Danny DeVito (last seen in "Back in Time"), Rhea Perlman (last heard in "Sing"), Embeth Davidtz (last seen in "Paranoia"), Pam Ferris, Brian Levinson, Tracey Walter (last seen in "Masked and Anonymous"), R.D. Robb (last seen in "The Brady Bunch Movie") Kiami Davael, Jean Speegle Howard (last seen in "The Paper"), Jimmy Karz, Kira Spencer Cook, Jacqueline Steiger, with a cameo from Jon Lovitz (last seen in "Sandy Wexler").
RATING: 4 out of 10 flying erasers
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