BEFORE: Lindsay Lohan carries over from "Just My Luck", and I've got a rough path to an Easter movie. I remembered that last year, right after the romance chain ended, I transitioned right into Liam Neeson movies (the most Irish one hit on St. Pat's) and so I think I'll do that again with some action movies, only with a different star. Because really, aren't action films the opposite of romance films in some ways? I worked at the NY Children's Film Festival on Sunday and after a "Best of Fest" show and a couple long Q&A's they put out mini-cupcakes so that people could grab one on the way out. Well, sure, after kids have been sitting for 90 minutes in a dark room, unable to run around, let's just give them a bunch of sugar, and watch what happens. What could possibly go wrong? We had some kids running laps around the theater, that's how much pent-up energy they had. Right now, I need cupcakes - I mean, action movies.
So here are the actor links that should get me to the end of the month - I slammed this together last night, with only two days until I needed it, for me that's cutting things a bit too close: Parker Sawyers, Jason Statham, Josh Hartnett, back to Jason Statham, Joan Allen, Kevin Costner, Christopher Cousins, Rose Byrne. There's an easy (?) path from there to Easter, which is April 5 and I think I can work in the last (?) "Mission: Impossible" film but I want to make sure I've got somewhere to go after that. I can't dead-end this thing now. Look, I'll be honest, I was kind of hoping the chain would lead me straight to "One Battle After Another" and maybe "Weapons" but instead I got "Mission: Impossible - the Final Reckoning" and "Paddington in Peru", but I'll take it. I only need a chain right now to get me through the next two weeks, and there's enough action, animation and a bit of sports in it to clear out the romance-film brain cobwebs.
THE PLOT: When the love of Maddie's life gets engaged to her best friend, she puts her feelings aside to be a bridesmaid at their wedding in Ireland.
AFTER: If ever there was a movie that demonstrated "Be careful what you wish for" - or, according to the poster, 'Be careful WHO you wish for" - I suppose it would be this one. Maddie is constantly putting herself down because she doesn't speak up for herself enough, not professionally or personally, and it's gotten her to a dark place. Actually, it's a pretty good place, she's a successful book editor but she's practically writing the books herself and she's not getting credit for it. Been there, girl, done that, only in the field of animation - but that's my story.
What's worse is that her (co-) author has fallen in love with one of her besties, and now she has to go be a bridesmaid at their wedding at his family's estate in Ireland. The question here really becomes, does she REALLY have feelings for Paul, or is she just jealous of the fact that they're getting married? I mean, she's got conflicting feelings that need to be straightened out, she and Paul are two very different people, plus he mistreats her for not giving her any writing credit, all of her work fixing his stories has to be anonymous, and that's not a good foundation for a relationship. He's a jerk, and she can't see that, she just wants to make it all about HER, and so she feels that the problem is that she didn't speak up in time, she should have made a play for Paul earlier, then she wouldn't have FOMO.
But this is also a great example of my "burnt toast" theory, if something bad happens to you, look at the big picture and think about ways that this could actually be better for you. One day, if you burn your toast in the morning and you have to do it over, maybe you learn a little bit more about what setting to use on the toaster, and also maybe you avoided dying in a car crash on the way to work because you were in a different place. When Maddie gets to Ireland, she argues with a man at the luggage carousel because she thinks his suitcase is hers - to be fair, a lot of bags DO look alike, she should have put two differently colored ribbons on hers or something. Her bag was lost by the airline (more burnt toast, which will be revealed later) and THEN she has to take a bus because there are no Irish Ubers, and she ends up sitting right next to the same guy that she fought over luggage with. Sure, that's awkward, but she's being set up for an "opposites attract" meet-cute with James, only she's too deep into navel-gazing over missing out on Paul to realize it.
She meets Paul's family, sees what a beautiful manor his family lives in, and she sees all the wonderful wedding preparations, all of it reminding her of what she missed out on. So she goes for a walk in the Irish countryside and accidentally sits on a "wishing chair" stone formation, and Saint Brigid appears to grant her wish. Yeah, I wish I was kidding here, but we're deep in Catholic saints now, and wishing is just a form of praying, right? OK, not really but work with me here. Brigid uses her mighty Catholic power to change reality, and when she gets back to the estate, Maddie is the one engaged to Paul, her luggage is back and she's got the wedding dress to put on, and a rehearsal dinner in her honor. Well, that's all sorted then. Movie over.
Look, it just wouldn't be a Lindsay Lohan film without a swap of some kind, either body-swap or luck-swap or now reality swap. But the goal is to LEARN from these Freaky things that take place, so what's the lesson here? I've got to say this reminds me of another certain film where an angel appeared to show a man that his life wasn't really so bad, and he had done some good in the world, he shouldn't commit suicide because there would be a ripple effect that had massive consequences for other people. Instead he had to learn that his life had value, and even though he never fought in World War II or traveled anywhere, he could still make something good happen right there in Pottersville, er, Bedford Falls. I also have to name-check "Candide" here because of the discussion in it over whether what happens is the best of all possible worlds - we can't see the multiverse so we can't confirm, but we still owe it to ourselves to live our best lives, just not at the expense of anyone else.
But to place a reverse "It's a Wonderful Life" right in the middle of a "Philadelphia Story" framework - well, they said it couldn't be done, or perhaps it shouldn't be done, but this film did it. There's a wedding taking place and you know what happens at movie weddings, there's so much doubt and second-guessing that like 50% of movie weddings don't end up happening, both people are either hung up on somebody else or they're always going to wonder what would happen if they took that other path that they find they can't move forward. So this movie uses the Clarence/Brigid mischief-making character to show Maddie the other path, so she'll realize she was kind of on the right one to begin with.
Well, you can't use your wish to wish for more wishes, but there's no rule against wishing a second time to un-wish the first wish. Once the timeline got changed there really was no other choice, I mean the rule of "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?" meant that once she cast the first wish, the entire wedding event is doomed, Maddie got exactly what she wanted and then realized it wasn't what she wanted at all. To be fair, Paul was always extremely shallow and she KNEW this, did she think she could change him? Not gonna happen. So James got hired as the wedding photographer and with him in her orbit, now she's always going to wonder if marrying Paul is the right move, which it is not. As soon as they went on that bike ride, and Maddie couldn't keep up, but Emma could, I knew how this had to end. Emma and Paul then started sneaking around - that's not just wedding cold feet, they both feel like they belong together and something is "wrong" with the wedding, as if somebody wished it into place. So now there's a big bust-up at the wedding - the only thing missing, really was a pie-throwing fight - and Maddie's messed things up with both guys, the only way out is to un-wish it, or say that it was all a dream or a glimpse of a possible alternate present.
Come on, Maddie couldn't remember the simplest things about her relationship with Paul, how they got engaged or when their first dance was, or even what he likes to eat. How is THAT going to work out, when for her it's all like it never even happened? Unfortunately there's a whole generation of twenty-somethings out there whose default setting is to put their own needs first, and guys, this is not conducive to a relationship. Communication and compromise means that 50% of the time, you don't get to pick the restaurant, OK? Stop thinking about yourself for a few minutes and realize that there are other people in the room, and that it takes TWO people to have a relationship, your soulmate isn't going to wait on you hand and foot, you need to pitch in once in a while, you entitled bastards. Speak up for yourself, sure, especially if you feel like you're being short-changed or not credited for your work - but also realize that once in a while the toast is going to be burned, and that's not necessarily a bad thing in the long run.
It's too bad Jane Seymour couldn't make it to Ireland - she played Maddie's mother and she got really screwed by the reality-swap. At first she wasn't going to the wedding because Maddie was just a bridesmaid, not the bride. But then St. Brigid intervened and now she HAS to go, she was the mother of the bride, after all. But then, you know, the flight got cancelled, the gate got changed, there was an overseating thing, and finally she tripped in the airport and broke her ankle or something, and so she never even made it. Maybe next time, Jane.
If I apply the burnt toast rule, really this film could have been a LOT worse. It could have been a wishing well instead of a wishing chair. It could have been a leprechaun changing reality, instead of Saint Brigid. Jane Seymour could have made her plane and it could have crashed. I'm not saying this film is anything close to brilliant, but it wasn't the WORST way to spend my St. Patrick's Day. And Maddie walked away from the toxic job where she wasn't getting proper credit for her work - I support this ending.
Directed by Janeen Damian
Also starring Ed Speleers (last seen in "Breathe"), Alexander Vlahos, Ayesha Curry, Elizabeth Tan, Jacinta Mulcahy, Jane Seymour (last seen in "Puppy Love"), Matty McCabe, Dawn Bradfield (last seen in "Mr. Malcolm's List"), Maurice Byrne, James Rottger (last seen in "The Lost King"), Aidan Jordan, Dakota Lohan, Tim Landers (last seen in "In the Land of Saints and Sinners"), Rachel Benaissa, Rodrigo Ternevoy, Steve Hartland, Carl Shaaban, Vincent Moran, Charlie Hughes, Derek Carroll (last seen in "The Pope's Exorcist")
RATING: 5 out of 10 pieces of expensive family china (that somehow never gets broken - man, I thought for sure that was a set-up)
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