BEFORE: I do have another film with Isabella Rossellini in it, and it IS a romance film - but it's needed somewhere else in the countdown, like February 20 or so. Therefore it has been relocated to THERE so it will connect two other films that need to be connected in a different way. I've found that it often makes sense to watch ALMOST all of an actor's films together, moving one to another spot is not uncommon, I even sort of expect it to happen now.
Tonight's film in the romance chain is optional, that means that if I don't watch it, "Cousins" will connect to the next film via a different link, and things will continue. But I'm caught up, I'm not behind so I'm going to just watch it so it's off the list. Little tweaks like this to the chain are often needed, in this case so I'll land the exact right film on Valentine's Day. So instead of Ms. Rossellini, Dolores Drake carries over from "Cousins".
We have a partial loss of power in our house, just two rooms upstairs and a couple rooms in the basement. We flipped the breakers and that didn't restore power, so it must be part of an outage on the block, which we reported. This would only be a problem if one of the rooms was where my computer is - I'm working around the problem by plugging in to a power strip which is getting power from the bathroom via extension cord. My wife moved her home office down to the dining room last week, because of the lack of heat upstairs, but damn if that wasn't a good idea, it's like she knew this might happen or something. Anyway if you don't hear from me for a couple of days, it means the situation got worse and we've lost all our electricity for a bit.
THE PLOT: After a disastrous date, Nicole and Max vow to lose each other's numbers, but their dogs turn out to be a love match. The mismatched pair are forced to become responsible doggy co-parents, but end up finding love themselves.
AFTER: Before I start, I just want to remind everyone that this Sunday is like the biggest day for TV in the whole year, the event we all tune in for, the one we gather together for and build whole parties around, of course I'm talking about Puppy Bowl XXII, which airs on Animal Planet on February 8 starting at 2 pm ET. There are a couple dozen rescue dogs who run up and down a mock sports stadium field and if one should happen to carry a toy into the end-zone, that's called a touchdown. And if some puppy should pee or poop on the field during the game, that's called an offensive foul. But we also tune in to watch the commercials, of course - then there's a halftime show that usually features kittens but I have a feeling that this year there will also be a rabbit involved, maybe a "Good Bunny", from what I've heard. Anyway, you don't want to miss that, but even if you do, they replay the whole event a few times, so you can watch it again and again, don't worry because I don't think there's anything else important airing on Sunday, just keep watching the Puppy Bowl over and over, you won't miss anything else. There's a chance I might need to work for a few hours on Sunday, but I'm recording the Puppy Bowl because I don't want to miss a minute of the action - I wonder, should I bet on Team Ruff or Team Fluff?
Of course, today's rom-com is going to feel very formulaic, no matter how is constructed, we basically know how it's going to end, therefore certain things HAVE to happen, the man and the woman need to meet in some way, they need to be at odds with each other in some way, and then they have to come together in the end and somehow realize that they're perfect for each other, despite all the evidence presented so far that might contradict that. In this case both Nicole and Max become dog owners, Nicole because there's a stray dog hanging around near her apartment building that eats from the garbage, and Max because his therapist believes that it might be helpful for his social anxiety to start interacting with a dog and then work his way up to humans so he can go back and work in his office instead of just trying to do the company's IT work from home. Apparently he started working from home during COVID and then just never went back, and his boss has maybe been a little too understanding about this.
So Max adopts a dog from the animal shelter, that's great, no notes there, plus he chooses the one that isn't barking at him and triggering his anxiety, sure, fine, that makes sense. Chloe is an ideal, non-barking, sweetheart of a dog, perfect for him to interact with, as long as he remembers to bring her back to get spayed a week later, everything's going to work out fine. Umm, yeah, about that. Well, Max has a lot going on and is apparently very forgetful in addition to having social anxiety and claustrophobia and germophobia and dating problems and career issues. This is all very relatable to a modern audience, because if you have any social problems yourself you can see yourself reflected in Max, he has them all in one total package. What is quite unbelievable, therefore, is him agreeing to get together with Nicole after meeting her on a dating site - WTF? This goes against everything we know about Max, why would he suddenly agree to meet a woman for a date just because they both have dogs? The dog is the test, he's supposed to succeed with raising the dog BEFORE he moves on to interacting with humans.
But, I suppose it's necessary to move the plot forward - Nicole believes that her stray dog, Channing Tatum, has been neutered, the vet even confirmed this. BUT, when Nicole and Max and their dogs meet up, the dogs disappear from sight (well, they're both new at keeping track of them) and are found gettin' it on behind a carefully placed tree in the park. Well, we have to maintain a PG rating, after all. Max is HORRIFIED that Nicole's dog would violate his sweet Chloe in such a way, Channing didn't even buy her dinner first. Plus, how irresponsible is it that Nicole wouldn't neuter her dog? Well, back at you, who forgot to spay Chloe? The humans lose their cool and part ways, but a few weeks later Chloe is apparently pregnant, which was theoretically impossible, and they're drawn back together at the vet's office to learn how this could possibly happen. It seems Channing's balls are inside his body, which I guess is a thing, but the vet is really responsible here, for declaring that he was neutered when he was not. And yes, this is the SECOND film of the new year where neutering dogs is a key plot point, I'm not really happy about it, either.
But guys, this feels a LOT like one of those Lifetime or Hallmark channel movies where two people are drawn together by circumstances out of their control, like HE's the English teacher at the high school in a small town and SHE's the head of the PTA and a single mother, and they're at odds with each other until they have to work together to run the bake sale, and it's called "Making the Grade" or something like that. There are also Christmas themed rom-coms that everyone agrees are horrible, like "A Gingerbread Romance" or "Fir Crazy" that are equal parts predictable and unlikely and are filled with hollow characters and weak storytelling, but are guaranteed to fill up two hours of network time during the holidays once commercials are added.
So yeah, we really know at the start how "Puppy Love" is going to end, so does it really matter HOW they get there? In addition to testicular confusion and all that social anxiety this film is filled with Doggy Lamaze classes, real estate stagings for very demanding clients, Nicole's mother who is very critical of her life choices, WAY overly spicy hot chicken (in Seattle? This is not Nashville...) and some very nerdy collectibles. Some are from "Star Wars", so really, I've got no problem with this as a plot point. I'm personally in an interfaith marriage, I'm "Star Wars" and she's "Star Trek" and we respect each other's franchises to some degree, and we make it work.
Nicole and Max are forced to spend time together because, just like in "The Friend", her apartment won't let her have a dog, if she keeps Channing there she could be evicted. Oh, if only she knew someone with a house who had plenty of space and was also dog-friendly and didn't mind being a doggie co-parent with her... But he's more of the Felix Unger-type here, and somehow SHE'S the messier Oscar Madison, can they meet somewhere in the middle? I'm thinking that they can, over time. Her walking in on him coming out of the shower is really going to move this thing forward, it turns out - but they'll both have to open up about their past dating histories and they'll have to be ready to take a chance on love, also Max is going to have to learn what it means to leave the house once in a while and Nicole has to deal with her fear of commitment. Career-wise, we know that she's really supposed to be in graphic design and he's supposed to be making music, because if they're both avoiding a career path, sure, that's the one they're supposed to be following. Well, good luck, neither one of you is ever going to get rich, are you sure you don't want to hang on to your jobs in real estate and IT? Because it kind of seems like that's where the money is, and raising dogs is expensive.
Sure, there's stuff to like here - it's the Cesar Millan of rom-coms, because if you're not the alpha in your own life, then what exactly are you doing? They say if you're not the lead dog, then the view never changes - well if you don't take that chance and put yourself out there, leave the house once in a while and go on first dates, then the same thing applies, you're just always going to be alone. So come on, you know what you have to do, even if that person drives you crazy, it's better than living alone. It's cheaper to move in together, too, plus your doggos will be happier spending time together.
Directed by Nick Fabiano + Richard Alan Reid (neither of these men have ever directed another movie? I'm genuinely fake shocked, I swear...)
Also starring Lucy Hale (last seen in "Scream 4"), Grant Gustin, Nore Davis, Christine Lee (last seen in "Colossal"), Alessandro Miro, Jane Seymour (last seen in "Love, Wedding, Marriage"), Corey Woods, Michael Hitchcock (last seen in "Jackpot!"), Sarah Pequero, Ali Karr, Marc Gaudet, Santa Tom Kliner, Carlos Rodriguez, Henrietta Johnson, Nimet Kanji, Lyndsey Wong, Frank Sikunzuri, Brody Wellmaker, Cam Woodman, Dan Tait, Rachel Risen, D.J. Mausner, Kendra Hesketh, Summer Testawich, Britney Mocca, Mia Harris, Melanie Chan, Stephen Chandler Whitehead, Douglas Mpindiwa, Nathaniel Lee-Ran
RATING: 4 out of 10 visual references to "Lady & the Tramp".
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