BEFORE: OK, I'm going to pick up with Jason Statham right where I left off - I watched 9 Statham movies last year, and the last one in the chain was "The Mechanic". I'm only going to watch four more this year, because that's how many I have now. But his films will get me to my vacation week, and then nearly to the end of the month, which is fast approaching. Whether I'll still have my main job at the animation studio at the end of the month is another question entirely, the boss is after me to quit or get fired, and I'm not crazy about those choices. I'm hoping that a week without me there sort of highlights how much I do for the company, because when I'm not there to do those things, they don't get done. That may work to my advantage, but it's also possible that the damage is done - like why am I even fighting to keep this job if the boss doesn't want me there? Wouldn't it be a relief to just give up the job that drives me crazy, and then I could work more shifts at the job that doesn't? The job that drives me nuts pays better, unfortunately, and the job that doesn't drive me nuts doesn't have any staff positions available right now, so I'm kind of stuck. I need to keep making money, but not at the cost of my sanity. Maybe a week away from both jobs, on a boat, might bring some clarity to all parties involved.
Atanas Srebrev carries over from "Memory".
FOLLOW-UP TO: "The Mechanic" (Movie #4,832)
THE PLOT: Bishop's most formidable foe kidnaps the love of his life in order to make him complete three impossible assassinations and make them look like accidents.
AFTER: Ah, there's nothing quite like a sequel to a remake. Can we call that a requel? The original 1972 film called "The Mechanic" never had a sequel, so if Statham's popular and somebody wants to turn that into a franchise, well, go ahead. Statham's also got a new film coming out now, called "A Working Man" but I don't think I'll be able to work that into my chain. Again, I want to remind you that my blog takes NO MONEY from advertisers at all, so if I tell you that "A Working Man" is being released in theaters on March 28 and is from the same director as "The Beekeeper", it's only because I think you might want to know. Damn, if I wanted to go see that the weekend we get back, I probably could, it would fit right into my chain. But I kind of JUST lined up what I want to be Big Movie 5,000 - so if I did that, I'd have to drop something else. Still, it's possible - I've got tent duty that weekend, though. The theater where I work is showing 3 big premieres, just not "A Working Man".
Arthur Bishop, aka "The Mechanic", went into hiding at the end of the first film, he blew up his old life (literally, along with his car and his safehouse) and we learn here he's been living in Rio de Janeiro under another name. But someone from his old life finds him (there are cameras everywhere these days, that's the explanation) and wants to hire him to kill three targets. But Bishop pulls the old "use everything in this public place to disarm and defeat everyone, then escape" trick, and he takes off for Thailand. Using his computer skills, he scans the photo of the message courier and determines she works for Riah Crain, one of the world's biggest arms dealers.
His friend Mei, who runs the beach resort, asks him to help out a woman with bruises, she's out on a boat and being beaten up by her boyfriend. Bishop rescues the girl, Gina, but also accidentally kills the boyfriend in the process. But Gina reveals she's part of a set-up, she's been forced to try to get Bishop's attention and fall in love with him, Crain would then kidnap her and force Bishop to take the assassination jobs. Gina just runs a children's shelter in Cambodia and wants to be left alone, but Crain threatened to kill all the kids unless she seduces Bishop. So Bishop decides to play along, but pretending to fall for Gina leads to him actually falling for Gina, so really, he's playing right into Crain's hands, and the mercs come to abduct her for real, and so I guess all this was inevitable, or we wouldn't have a movie.
Now Bishop has to complete three jobs in 36 hours, and considering how far apart the hits are, I'm not sure that it's even possible to travel all that distance in such a short time. First he has to get arrested in Malaysia so he'll be brought to the prison where his first target is, then he's got to get the lay of the land in that prison really fast, well I've always heard that you need to find the biggest baddest guy in that prison and challenge him to a fight, but that's probably not a good idea here. Instead he saves the life of Krill, the imprisoned warlord, and in doing that, he gains his trust. This enables him to have dinner with Krill, and kill him while his bodyguards are conveniently elsewhere. Then it's just the matter of starting a prison riot and escaping through a quickly-blown up hole in the wall, and jumping off a high cliff into the ocean. Easy peasy.
The second target is an Australian billionaire, former sex trafficker and current arms dealer (Ah, I get it, Crain's trying to eliminate his competition...). This billionaire goes for a swim every morning in his skyscraper penthouse's very expensive and obnoxious pool, which hangs over the side of the building and has a glass bottom, so yeah, you can probably guess what's going to happen here, Bishop's going to break into the building and drill into that pool from the bottom, so it looks like an accident. It's very dramatic, cinematic and ironic, though, it's a bit like if you killed Elon Musk by running him over with a Tesla Cybertruck. No, even better, by blowing up a Tesla Cybertruck with him in it. All the people poorer than him (which is everybody, really) would then just go - "Yeah, that's an ironic enough death. No notes."
OK, so after traveling to Malaysia and Australia, those 36 hours are almost up - once you factor in all the time of getting to the airports, checking bags, going through customs, and sneaking all those weapons and explosives in somehow, Bishop's got like 5 minutes left on the countdown clock. Plenty (??) of time to get to Bulgaria and take out the third target, an American arms dealer named Max Adams, who's got an enormous collection of submarines for some reason. Sure, he COULD just kill the guy and maybe save his girlfriend, and be done before lunch, but Bishop probably doesn't trust Crain, he could kill the third target and then Crain might kill Gina anyway.
So, Bishop approaches Adams, and together they come up with a plan to take down Crain, who's really a thorn in both of their sides. First they have to fake Adams' death, to make it look like Bishop came through and held up his end of the bargain. Bishop lures half of Crain's men to the submarine pen and takes them all out, then makes a scuba beeline for Crain's mega-yacht, where he's holding Gina hostage, so he can take out the other half.
Finally, after finding Gina and putting her in an escape pod submersible, it's down to just Bishop and Crain, two men on a yacht that's set to self-destruct. It's a perfect place for Bishop to both get his revenge AND pull another disappearing act, because everyone who knew he was still alive would think he just blew up with the mega-yacht. But did he?
It's a worthy sequel - I'll give it the same score I gave the first film. Now why is it, exactly, that Jason Statham's name never comes up when they talk about who should play James Bond next?
Directed by Dennis Gansel (co-director of "Berlin, I Love You")
Also starring Jason Statham (last seen in "The Mechanic"), Jessica Alba (last seen in "Barely Lethal"), Tommy Lee Jones (last seen in "The Burial"), Michelle Yeoh (last seen in "A Haunting in Venice"), Sam Hazeldine (last seen in "The Last Duel"), John Cenatiempo (last seen in "Cellular"), Toby Eddington, Femi Elufowoju Jr., Anteo Quintavalle, Yayaying Rhatha Phongam, Bonnie Zellerbach (last seen in "No Escape"), Francis Tonkala Tamouya, Tais Rodrigues Dias, Lynette Emond, Allan Poppleton, Soji Ikai, Vithaya Pansringarm (last seen in "The Meg"), Rachel O'Meara, Geoffrey Giuliano (last seen in "Kate")
RATING: 7 out of 10 cigarettes brought into prison (one with something extra in it, but I didn't really understand what that was. fuel cell? tracking device?)
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