BEFORE: All right, I'm dropping two films from September's line-up, right off the bat, before we even get there. 29 films is too many, 27 I think I can handle. I can still drop more if I have to, but I like the line-up as it is - this opens up two more slots for post-October, if I decide that "Dune: Part Two" needs to be put on hold then that's three gone from the plan, leaving an even 20 slots for November and December. Until I figure out the path from Halloween to Christmas, I have no way of knowing if that's too much, not enough or just about right, but it's what I worked with last year for those months. I'm in a good place, linking-wise, just knowing there's a path to Movie 4,880 has a calming effect, and I'll work out the end of the year before September is over.
Jason Statham carries over from "13" and I just don't know about this one, they did that cutesy thing where they worked the sequel number right into the title, putting the "4" in place of the "A" and I just can't support that. Really, did we learn NOTHING from the other franchise films? Consistency is the key, you can't change the title format to try to confuse people - I know there's one school of thought that says a certain percentage of the audience does NOT go out to see sequels with numbers in the title, because they maybe haven't seen all the previous films, or they believe there's a drop in quality the more films there are in a sequence, so numbers in the title are a kind of box-office poison.
But now, what do I call this film? Do I say "Expendables 4" or is it pronounced "Expend-four-bles"? Why are we even putting a number in the middle of a word, like it's a letter? And the other three films had a "THE" in the title', so is the overall name for the franchise still "The Expendables" or just "Expendables"? It's important, at least to me. Am I the only one who gives a damn about consistency?
FOLLOW-UP TO: "The Expendables 3" (Movie #2,229)
THE PLOT: Armed with every weapon they can get their hands on, the Expendables are the world's last line of defense and the team that gets called when all other options are off the table.
AFTER: This is Jason Statham's movie, no doubt about it - I mean, Stallone is HERE, except for when he's not, which is a good chunk of time, and when he is there, he's either flying in the plane or the helicopter or he's talking about his back injury and I wonder if art is imitating life here - it feels like one of those 27 Bruce Willis movies that came out five years ago where he only spent one day filming on set for each one and they had to shoot of all of his scenes on that day. Whatever, Stallone can do whatever he wants and he's earned an easy shoot. At least he's IN the movie, there's a long list of actors who have been in this franchise who are M.I.A. - like Mel Gibson, Wesley Snipes, Terry Crews, Kelsey Grammer, Antonio Banderas, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell and Kellan Lutz. And that's just from "Expendables 3", I can't even remember who else was in the first 2. Jet Li? Mickey Rourke? Arnold? Chuck Norris? JVD? Where the hell is everybody, did they all just age out of the program?
I feel like this franchise is a rock band, one that's been around for a few decades and they can still put on a show and rock their old hits, but not all of the original band members are still there, some have retired and maybe some have died, this is something i know about because for a long while there we were going to concerts at Jones Beach once a summer, so we saw Journey (with no Steve Perry), REO Speedwagon (no Gary Richrath), Styx (no Dennis DeYoung), Chicago (no Peter Cetera), and Foreigner (no Lou Gramm). I mean, sure, great to see you guys and I'm glad you're still out on the road and technically still a band, but it's not exactly the band I remember listening to as a kid, only mostly. The worst offender in this regard was probably Air Supply, we saw them twice at B.B. King's in Times Square, back in their heyday there were like 13 band members in Air Supply, but by the time we got to see them, only the two principals were still playing, the rest were contract musicians, hired guns so to speak.
That's the Expendables now, two or three original guys are still in the band, but the rest have retired or are too busy on other projects, or are maybe too expensive to come back for another appearance in this franchise. So there's a focus on the bromance between Stallone's character and Statham's character, are they really besties or do they just share a common bond in being the most durable and/or the most available band members? Not sure. But still, let's put on a show because Dolph Lundgren needs to keep active to get his SAG pension and also we've got some slots open for some of the new kids with action-film star potential. According to Stallone, this fourth film is the first of a new trilogy, so they're planning two more at least. Well, OK, it's been 14 years since the last one, and only part of that can be attributed to the pandemic, so some of that delay was what they call "development hell", if the iron is hot, you might as well keep that momentum going and make two more films ASAP.
This one got some LOW ratings, though, it's a 4.8 on IMDB, and it only made $37 million worldwide, and cost an estimated $100 million to make. That's, umm, well, it's not good, so maybe this will turn out to be the last film in the franchise. Everything's gotta end sometime, that's a truth we all have to face sooner or later. Maybe they waited too long to revive the series with a new installment, but you know, people are getting excited now for the upcoming "Beetlejuice" film, and it's been what, 36 years? Maybe less is more sometimes, I don't know. Or maybe it all comes down to marketing, and they tried to soften the "Expendables" franchise with PG-13 ratings, and now they're back on R. Sure, they're giving the hardcore fans what they want, but also limiting who can see the movie at the same time. Then of course there's that dumb placement of the number "4" within the title, just saying. Ugh, I just saw the very stupid tagline "They'll Die When They're Dead". That's beyond stupid, that's the R-word that I'm not supposed to use.
Anyway, there's two big missions here, the first one's in Libya where the new villain takes over the country or something just to get a bunch of detonators. The Expendables are called in while the situation is unfolding, and it's very nice of the villain to wait until they fly halfway across the world before he decides to take what he wants. Well, you can't say he's not a good sport. But when he finally decides to make his move, the Expendables are there to stop him, only they don't, because Christmas makes a bad decision, instead of going after the villain, he decides to save Barney Ross, his best friend and team leader. His decision has terrible consequences, and in addition to that, the villain gets away with the detonators (remember that, it might come up later).
On top of that, word is that the villain works for the mysterious Ocelot, someone who's been working behind the scenes for decades, after a run-in with Barney Ross years ago and a mission that went south, killing the whole team except for Barney. The Expendable's new CIA contact, Marsh, sends them out on the second mission, to retrieve the detonators, only he kicks Christmas off the team for not following orders. He gets replaced by his ex-girlfriend, but you just know he's not done, right? He's going to go rogue, execute his own mission and probably hook up with the team for a last-minute save later.
Ocelot has placed a nuclear warhead on a ship disguised as an American aircraft carrier, which is transporting the explosive device into Russian territory - he intends to jump-start World War 3, since Russia invading Ukraine apparently didn't bring about the intended result. The Expendables land on the ship and do their best, however it's not good enough, and they're all taken hostage. Oh, if only there were a rogue member of the team who was kicked off the mission and could be working his way toward them on his own...
Look, it's big, stupid and ridiculous, I admit all that. In particular, having a nuclear bomb that's absolutely COVERED in detonators makes no sense, because really, you only need one, or so I imagine. But this film means well, the good guys win and the bad guys lose, and World War 3 gets postponed for another month, I know that's not a lot, but can't it just be enough? Some people take these things too seriously, this movie is just not something that can be taken seriously at all, so why even do that? This may not be a home-run but it's a ground ball up the middle that advances the runners, that's something, isn't it? Sylvester Stallone is 78 years old now, and maybe he doesn't look it, but he can't be doing this for much longer, let's just celebrate the fact he's still around, and Statham and the young kids can do the fight scenes.
Instead of acting sad that it's over (maybe) and being upset that we can't have any more, let's just be thankful for the times we had, OK?
Also starring Sylvester Stallone (last seen in "Sly"), Dolph Lundgren (ditto), Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson (also carrying over from "13"), Megan Fox (last seen in "Zeroville"), Tony Jaa (last seen in "Monster Hunter"), Iko Uwais (last seen in "Stuber"), Andy Garcia (last seen in "Book Club: The Next Chapter"), Randy Couture (last seen in "Setup"), Jacob Scipio (last seen in "The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent"), Levy Tran (last seen in "Secret Headquarters"), Lucy Newman-Williams (last seen in "Escape Room: Tournament of Champions"), Daren Nop, Kenny "Cowboy" Bartram, Cody Mackie, Cokey Falkow (last seen in "Jurassic World Dominion"), Dan Chupong, Karim Saidi, Sam Black, Adam Masto, Sheila Shah, Nicole Andrews (last seen in "Lovelace"), Oat Jenner, Susanne Potrock, Eddie Hall, Mike Möller, Igor Pecenjev, Stefan Ivanov, Tjasa Perko.
RATING: 5 out of 10 dirtbikes on an aircraft carrier (wait, what?)
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