Dear Santa

Year 17, Day 347 - 12/13/25 - Movie #5,196

BEFORE: OK, last film before I go on vacation, I'll be away all next week and then I'll be back on December 21 or 22 with the final FOUR films of the year, and yes, they will all be Christmas films. The Christmas genre can be a lot like the romance and horror genres, in that they tend to keep using the same actors, or at least there's enough crossover between the films for me to put something together every year. 

In years past, I've been happy with ending the year with one or maybe two Christmas films, SEVEN is a bit unheard of, but I'm trying to clear the decks here - maybe next year I'll be back to two, but it's like the other genres, the more films I put on the list, the greater the opportunities for a longer chain. So now that I have my romance chain for 2026 worked out, I can maybe focus on adding some more documentaries once slots open up, then focus on adding more horror films for a while, then I can think about adding some more holiday films for next year, OK? 

Jack Black carries over from "A Minecraft Movie". 

THE PLOT: When a young boy mails his Christmas wish to Santa with one crucial spelling error, a devilish creature arrives to wreak havoc on the holidays. 

AFTER: This film kind of has the same problem as "Family Switch", it's trying too hard to be all things to all the people, all of the time. It's a Christmas film, it's a family film, it's a comedy, it's a school film, it wants to be a romance, and then the simple inclusion of the DEVIL should mean that it's also a horror film, in a way at least. The hardest of these to be, of course, is a comedy. Can somebody find the funny aspects of being tempted to sell one's soul to the devil? It's clearly harder than anyone expected it to be. 

Really, this should be a walk in the park, to make this situation funny - we had "Bedazzled" (two versions, even) which succeeded, and "The Devil and Max Devlin" (OK, not so much), but this is a comedy staple, when the devil appears to you and he's got the horns and the pitchfork and a red suit, and he offers you the thing that you want (or here it's three wishes, it seems somebody kind of got Satan mixed up with a genie...) and all you have to do is sign away your soul. There are countless jokes about this situation, to the point where some people maybe think that this could happen, only I maintain that if the devil is in our world and he's looking for souls, he's just not going to be so obvious about it - he'll hide the soul-transfer agreement in some software license that you won't read but WILL click "agree" to, or he'll run a free porn site that you have to click to access, and you wont see that small print under "You must be 18 or older" that reads "and you must agree that the devil gets your soul".  

Anyway, he's not going to LOOK like the devil, he'll look like your best friend, or some hot woman like Elizabeth Hurley (if "Bedazzled" got it right) and you won't even know what's happening. Or he'll catch you in your lowest moment, when you're willing to sign away your soul for another chance to finally succeed at something. Or, just hear me out on this one, maybe the Devil isn't real and there's no hell and no heaven and nobody is fighting to get you on their team before the apocalypse comes. Just putting that out there. 

So the comedy comes from the fact that here Satan looks like Jack Black (the "best friend" disguise, I mean, who couldn't be friends with Jack Black?) and this dyslexic kid misspells the name on his annual letter to Santa (could happen) and so instead of going to the North Pole, his letter gets sent to the underworld and he gets a very different type of supernatural creature answers his letter. This should have been hilarious and unfortunately it's just NOT, because all of the plot points in the entire movie are debated and re-hashed over and over again, and the movie gets slowed down each time, making it feel like it goes on FOREVER.  Any fun we might get by seeing Jack Black appear as a devil at a winter carnival, or on stage at a Post Malone concert, or appearing as tiny Satan in a hamster cage, gets negated by the endless debate over the rules about granting wishes, signing that contract, and searching for any possibly loopholes in the deal and then not finding them.

The secondary stories are even worse, because Liam's parents overhear him talking about Satan and think that their son is either psychotic or delusional, so they hire a child psychologist to analyze him, which goes absolutely nowhere. Liam also forms a friendship with Gibby, a kid from school with enormous teeth, and Liam keeps ditching him and then talking to him via Facetime the next day to apologize and discuss further strategies to outwit the devil. We needed less talking about it and more being about it, I think. The attempts at romance with Liam pursuing a girl named Ella seem more narratively promising, but this story also eventually goes nowhere and comes to a crashing halt. It's like somebody set out to make a movie where nothing ever happens and also nothing is very funny at all. 

Is this my fault? Did I program a week of non-entertaining films? Did I maybe watch all the good holiday movies already and now I'm stuck watching all the terrible ones? How come I can re-watch "Bad Santa" every year but I never ever want to watch this one again? It's got to be the movie, right? It's not funny and it's barely Christmas-ey. Meanwhile Liam's parents seem like they're headed for a separation (two Christmases! Woo-hoo!) and eventually we learn the dark thing that happened that's the cause of their dysfunction, but could it be possible that they could come back together as a family, either out of concern for Liam or by communicating and working things out? Or maybe some Christmas magic can put this family back together, here's hoping. 

Directed by Bobby Farrelly (director of "Champions" and "Hall Pass")

Also starring Robert Timothy Smith, Keegan-Michael Key (last heard in "The Super Mario Bros. Movie"), Brianne Howey (last seen in "Horrible Bosses 2"), Hayes MacArthur (last seen in "Bachelorette"), Post Malone (last seen in "Happy Gilmore 2"), P.J. Byrne (last seen in "A Complete Unknown"), Jaden Carson Baker, Kai Cech, Cate Freedman, Gavin Munn (last seen in "Dirty Grandpa"), Lee Reyes, Bash Hagelin, Bryson Haney, Selah Kimbro Jones (last seen in "Hidden Figures"), Kyle Gass (last seen in "Sex Drive"), Lindsay Rootare (last seen in "Jerry and Marge Go Large"), Luke Chiappetta, Maiya Moran, Greg Clarkson (last seen in "Superman" (2025)), Travon McEntyre, Abe Farrelly (last seen in "Hall Pass"), Leo Easton Kelly, Izzy Herbert (last seen in "Richard Jewell"), Tierre Turner (last seen in "CHIPS"), with a cameo from Ben Stiller (also last seen in "Happy Gilmore 2")

RATING: 4 out of 10 beer pong cups

A Minecraft Movie

Year 17, Day 346 - 12/12/25 - Movie #5,195

BEFORE: This is a film that I cut from the chain earlier this year, and here's the reason why - putting it here allowed me to flip a bit of the chain around and therefore fit in SEVEN Christmas movies instead of six, and look, I'm going to end the chain exactly on time this year, so cutting this back then was clearly the right move. Not to get cocky, but I've learned to listen to my gut, or maybe it's just that if I cut a film there's always (eventually) a way to re-purpose it. Same difference, perhaps. 

Emma Myers carries over from "Family Switch". 

THE PLOT: Four misfits are suddenly pulled through a mysterious portal into a bizarre cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home they'll have to master this world while embarking on a quest with an unexpected expert crafter. 

AFTER: Even if I didn't already know this was directed by the guy who made "Napoleon Dynamite", there were signs, plenty of references to that other film. First, the parts that don't take place in another dimension are set in Idaho, plus there are tater tots and alpacas all over the place. Also this is a super nerdy film, from what I understand of the video game it's all about design and world-building, crafting items from different ingredients.  

But how is this not just "Jumanji" with a different cast? It's really the same concept, four people sucked into the video-game world, it's just a much more complicated video-game set-up and the villains look a lot more cartoony, but really, we don't need this. The Minecraft game, from what I understand of it, gives kids a chance to create designs and landscapes of their own, and very little of that comes across in the movie. In other words, the game is extremely interactive and rewards the user for having skills and imagination, while watching the film is a completely passive activity that requires no input or creativity from the viewer. It's just all a big ball of nonsense. 

Ugh, I really want to call a Mulligan tonight, because I'm in my late 50's and I don't understand anything about this film, nothing about how Minecraft works, and really, I'm flying blind here. Even if I were watching that new "Smurfs" movie, at least I would already know what a Smurf is and have some idea what the movie is ABOUT, this isn't about anything, as far as I can tell. So Steve got trapped in the Overworld years ago, and built a bunch of imaginary stuff. Who cares? Then he got stuck in some other realm called the Nether, where a bunch of evil pigs have to track down diamonds for their evil leader. Again, who cares? Not me. Guys, I've got stuff to do, I need to move on, I can't get bogged down in all this nonsense!

I wish I could say this is funny, or interesting, or meaningful in some way, but it's just not, at least not to me. I know there was a point in this film when kids would go absolutely NUTS in the theater and throw their trash at the screen, and as someone who used to clean theaters and now manages them, I don't find that nice or useful or even particularly interesting either. I don't know what a "chicken jockey" is and frankly, I don't care. What a complete waste of my time, and everyone else's too. When a film has over 30 screenwriters listed, how can it possibly be anything other than "all over the place"?

Directed by Jared Hess (director of "Masterminds", "Nacho Libre", and of course, "Napoleon Dynamite")

Also starring Jason Momoa (last seen in "The Fall Guy"), Jack Black (last heard in "The Super Mario Bros. Movie"), Sebastian Hansen (last seen in "Just Mercy"), Danielle Brooks (last seen in "Time Out of Mind"), Jennifer Coolidge (last seen in "We Have a Ghost"), Bram Scott-Breheny, Moana Williams, Jemaine Clement (last heard in "Moana 2"), Mark Wright, Yvette Parsons (last seen in "The Power of the Dog"), Hiram Garcia, Bret McKenzie (last seen in "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"), Batanai Mashingaidze, Amanda Billing, Tommy Broadmore, Frankie Creagh-Leslie (last seen in "Aquaman"), Alison Quigan, John Smythe, Alex Tunui, Craig Mckinney, Joel Rindelaub, Rowan Bacal, Brennan Standing, Dylan Chitekwe, Jens Bergensten, and the voices of Rachel House (also last heard in "Moana 2"), Jared Hess, Matt Berry (last heard in "The Wild Robot"), with a cameo from Kate McKinnon (last seen in "Balls Out").

RATING: 3 out of 10 dancing pandas

Family Switch

Year 17, Day 345 - 12/11/25 - Movie #5,194 - CHRISTMAS MOVIE #2

BEFORE: We're getting into it now, just like your local Lite-FM radio station, programming is (almost) all-Christmas all the time, right up until Dec. 25. Then I'll take a little break and get set up for Movie Year 18, the January plan is fairly solid, and I'm still tinkering with February, but if I had to roll with what I have now, I'd be OK. 

We've got an ultra-rare DOUBLE Birthday SHOUT-out today, because it's Rita Moreno's 95th birthday, and that's cause for celebration, she's a national treasure. It's also the birthday of actress Xosha Roquemore, who's in fine company tonight. 

Ed Helms carries over from "Love the Coopers". Yes, if you've been in more than one Christmas family comedy film, please come see me after the lecture, I would love to know about this for future Decembers. 

THE PLOT: When a chance reader with an astrological reader causes the Walkers to wake up to a family body switch, can they unite to land a promotion, college interview, record deal and soccer tryout? 

AFTER: This is a movie that tried very hard to be all things to all people - it's a school movie, it's a family comedy, teen romance, body-switch fantasy, romance, and on top of everything else, a Christmas movie. As you might imagine, there just no focus as a result, it's going to end up all over the place, shooting in every direction at once trying to land on something. So yeah, a big mess. This category was already crowded with movies like "Big", "Freaky Friday", "13 Going on 30", "17 Again" and many, many more. Yes, by Frankensteining so many genres together there's a chance that something new was brought to the family table tonight, but the result is also going to be a Frankenstein monster, a hideous thing made up of different parts that don't necessarily fit together. 

I once vowed to not watch any of these body-switching things, but then I caved on "13 Going on 30" and caved again with "Freaky", so now I guess I'm "in for a penny, in for a pound". My January line-up is still two slots short of filling the month, and there's a way to squeeze in the two "Freaky Friday" movies in between two other films with Jamie Lee Curtis, so unfortunately that's under serious consideration now. Look, we all know how these work, a daughter's soul ends up in her mother's body and vice-versa, or a father and a son swap places, but now this film upped the ante by doing both AND body-swapping the baby and the dog. But once the family tracks down the baby that ran down the street in the dog's body, they just pawn the kid off on the gay German neighbor and ask him to train the dog and watch the baby. Because the four other family members are going to be busy enough dealing with swapping places with each other. 

Of course there are going to be awkward moments, like when the son has to kiss his sister and pretend he's his father kissing his mother, because the neighborhood Karens are trying to "save" their marriage by making them kiss. Papa Walker also has to attend his son's college interview and he totally tanks it, of course, while Mama Walker has to play soccer in her daughter's body and she catches the ball with her hands (against the rules, apparently) and then helps an injured member of the opposing team instead of scoring a game-winning goal. Umm, NITPICK POINT, why couldn't she do BOTH? It's not one of the other, she could have kicked the goal and THEN helped the injured goalie, which would have helped her daughter out AND shown her compassionate Mom side. 

That's part of the reason why this whole story is so sloppy, it's tough enough keeping track of who is in who's body, but thankfully the characters keep acting like "themselves" no matter which body they're in (or which actor is playing them). But even though the teen daughter, CC, needs to give her mother's project pitch at work (and she ate ice cream before, forgetting that her mother is lactose-intolerant) and so she fails miserably by farting a lot, they never really get around to showing the teen son, Wyatt, having to do his job as a music teacher. Umm, he's at the school, doesn't his father still have to, you know, WORK? That's NITPICK POINT #2, somebody kind of dropped the ball and forgot the formula, ALL of the characters need to experience awkwardness or failure so they'll appreciate how hard things are for the other family member. They're just not going to be able to switch back to their own bodies until they gain some understanding by walking a mile in the other generation's shoes. 

The story can't even follow the weird-ass rules of its own body-switching concept, like I don't think that the DOG was with them at the observatory, so how the heck did the baby swap bodies with the dog? Then they had to bring the dog with them back to the observatory when they tried to get switched back, except they didn't, because he wasn't there in the first place. Then we're supposed to believe that the father's soul could transfer to his son's body and vice versa, and one would assume that their brains and everything in their memories would transfer with their souls, but then the father (with the son's soul) is seen playing guitar at the concert, and the ability to play guitar should have been in the son's body with the son's soul. Yes, of course it was the father's band, and he needed to be seen playing in that band, and Ed Helms probably knows how to play guitar, however that character should not have known how to play guitar in that scene. There was nothing in the film about the son ALSO being able to play guitar. Just saying.

(EDIT: It turns out the dog WAS with them at the observatory. Who the hell brings their DOG to an observatory? They should not have been able to bring him inside, unless he's a service dog, which he probably is NOT. It's still a NITPICK POINT, just now of a different nature.)

It is kind of inspired to cast Rita Moreno as the old, wise, magical fortune-teller who we assume initiates the body-switching in the first place - but then why do we need all this nonsense about the planets being in alignment?  There's science and then there's astrology, and any belief that the stars or the planets affect our lives or personalities is just bunk, right?  There was something in the 1990's called the "Harmonic Convergence", when all of the planets were supposed to line up on one side of the sun or something, and this meant that we were all going to gain some cosmic understanding or exit the Age of Aquarius or something, or maybe the aliens would finally land and befriend us because the other planets were pointing the way to Earth. Except for some people going out into fields and chanting with crystals, absolutely nothing happened, by the way. You can look it up. Same goes for eclipses and all that, except for the sky getting dark, nothing else happens. The telescope image seen here of all the planets somehow visible at once is really horrible, too, because even if the planets DID all line up, they'd still be millions of miles away from each other, instead of what's depicted here. 

For that matter, WHY is this a Christmas movie? It can't really be a Christmas movie and a school movie at the same time, because school's usually on break for the holidays, so that makes no sense, either. PICK ONE or the other. Anyway the family is so busy with their body-swapping problems that everybody just "forgot" to buy presents, and as a result of that, any mention of Christmas feels really forced or tacked-on here. This didn't need the Christmas references, it would have been exactly the same without that. 

I know, I know, this sort of film isn't meant to be taken seriously, not at all, but still, I kind of expect everything to still make sense, even within the ridiculous parameters it established. 

Directed by McG (director of "3 Days to Kill" and "This Means War")

Also starring Jennifer Garner (last seen in "Men, Women & Children"), Emma Myers, Brady Noon (last seen in "Marry Me"), Rita Moreno (last seen in "Jim Henson: Idea Man"), Matthias Schweighofer (last seen in "Army of Thieves"), Lincoln Sykes, Theodore Sykes, Vanessa Carrasco, Cyrus Arnold (last seen in "Hardcore Henry"), Ilia Isorelys Paulino (last seen in "Queenpins"), Jordan Leftwich, Xosha Roquemore (last seen in "Captain America: Brave New World"), Bashir Salahuddin (last seen in "Top Gun: Maverick"), Paul Scheer (last seen in "Twisters"), Helen Hong (last seen in "Inside Llewyn Davis"), Ned Bellamy (last seen in "Runawway Jury"), Andrew Bachelor (last seen in "Coffee & Kareem"), Dan Finnerty (last seen in "Dumplin'"), Howie Mandel (last seen in "Kevin Hart & Chris Rock: Headliners Only"), Rivers Cuomo (last seen in "Jagged"), Brian Bell (last seen in "Sound City"), Scott Shriner, Patrick George Wilson (last seen in "Factory Girl"), Riannah Pouncy, Pete Holmes (last heard in "The Secret Life of Pets 2"), Naomi Ekperigin (last seen in "Me Time"), Joe Mortimer, Fortune Feimster (last seen in "Outstanding: A Comedy Revolution"), Adam Lustick (last heard in "My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea"), Sebastian Quinn, Ravi Kapoor (last seen in "The Starling"), Carl McDowell, Snowden Grey (last seen in "Pain Hustlers"), Anwar Jibawi, Hannah Stocking, Mark McGrath (last seen in "Scooby-Doo"), Bob Stephenson (last seen in "Lying and Stealing"), Violet Miller, Will Adams, Bradley Uzoma, Benjamin Flores Jr. (last seen in "Ride Along"), Nate Arnold, Arjun Sriram, Connor Finnerty, Stefan Sacks (last seen in "The Onion Movie"), Kelsey Guy, Ho-Jung, Punam Patel, Jason Rogel, Alanna Fox, Lauren Ash (last seen in "The Disaster Artist"), Jamie Pasquinelli, Chloe Wepper (last seen in "The Last Word"), Austin Boyce, Julia Wein, Hanbit Yi, William Barletta, Alexis Frias (last seen in "Mean Girls" (2024)), Chiyeko Jones, Albert Minero Jr.

RATING: 5 out of 10 un-rowdy soccer fans

Love the Coopers

Year 17, Day 344 - 12/10/25 - Movie #5,193 - CHRISTMAS MOVIE #1

BEFORE: I'm starting my holiday programming today, I'll hit four films this week and then skip a week and hit the last four. Normally I'd end the year with a Christmas film, maybe two if I'm lucky, but I'm going to cross SEVEN off the list this year, with a little help from just one non-holiday film. 

With a big cast like today's film, there were certainly a lot of linking opportunities - which is great because I always need a good way to get from regular movies TO Christmas films, and now that I'm here, I can knock off a whole bunch of them. 

John Goodman carries over from "Please Don't Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain", and this would have been an opportunity to get rid of the new "Smurfs" movie, but I needed the slot to fit in another Christmas movie at the end, so I've tabled the Smurfs, it looks like that film could help with some Christmas linking next year, so it's postponed for 12 months, thank God. 

THE PLOT: The intertwined stories of four generations of Coopers unfold right before the annual family reunion on Christmas Eve. Can they survive the most wonderful time of the year? 

AFTER: This is the rather complicated story of a complicated family - I couldn't figure out who was related to who, overall - so I have to go through the Wiki page now and try to straighten it all out. But everyone is completely dysfunctional at all times, which seems a bit odd for a holiday film, where we're used to everything going so well, at least in the movies. Obviously somebody attempted to update the traditional Christmas film formula by trying to represent the more modern sensibilities of divorce, blended families, weird first dates and even gay relationships, though that last one felt really tacked on, almost as an afterthought. 

Just because everyone has problems with relationships and family at some point in their lives, that does not mean that everyone has problems with relationships and family at EVERY point in their lives, and this film really comes at you from that point of view, that families today are very complicated and confusing, I mean, sure, they can be but they don't all HAVE to be. I feel the need now to draw out the whole Cooper family tree as a chart just to figure this all out...

As near as I can tell, the central couple is Charlotte and Sam Cooper, played by Diane Keaton and John Goodman, they're married but finally ready to talk about getting a divorce because now their kids are adults and out of the house. That in itself is a terrible reason to separate, but there are other issues, like some trip to Africa that they were planning for many years but never took, and now it's too late or something. No, that's not positive thinking, now is the perfect time if their kids are grown and out of the house - go to Africa, re-connect with each other, what the hell else do you have to do? 

Charlotte's father is still alive, Bucky Newport, played by Alan Arkin and Charlotte has a sister, Emma, played by Marisa Tomei. Emma gets busted for shoplifting, which makes little sense because she doesn't seem poor, so she's just broken somehow?  Everyone here seems a little broken in some way. Anyway she talks herself out of the shoplifting charge by talking to the police officer who arrests her and listening to his back-story, and that's where the token gay stuff comes in. (2015, yeah that seems about right.). 

Meanwhile on Sam's side he's got his Aunt Fishy, who I think lives in a nursing home but is at Sam's house all the time, she's played by June Squibb and with her dementia and knack for saying outrageous things she might be the best character in the movie. 

Charlotte and Sam have two adult kids, Hank and Eleanor (Ed Helms and Olivia Wilde). Hank is divorced from Angie and has joint custody of their three kids, Charlie, Bo and Madison. All three kids also have problems, but Charlie the oldest (Timothee Chalamet) is a teenager who's striking out with girls but keeps trying to kiss Lauren Hesselberg, and finally, awkwardly succeeds at Christmastime. 

OK, I think I've got all the family relationships figured out, but I wish that doing that added up to something more, really this film is just a chance to jump between six different stories as the family members get into various predicaments on Christmas Eve and then come together that night for the family dinner and sing-along. I guess it's nice to see all the stories combine at the end, but it still felt very fragmented, like it didn't add up to more than the sum of its parts. 

What was up with Alan Arkin's character, Bucky, was he attracted to Ruby, the waitress in the diner? He's quite a few years older than her, what the heck was he thinking? Look, I'm as liberal as the next guy but there had to be a fifty year difference between them, to have some kind of attraction there is quite unusual - I mean, whatever but also ewwww... And then after he gets sick she starts dancing with Hank, who's divorced and also Bucky's grandson? Would you date a woman who was attracted to, or even had a connection with your grandfather? Was Bucky acting as a wingman for his own grand-son? It's very odd no matter how I look at it. 

Eleanor picking up a soldier on leave in the airport was just as weird, she wanted him to come to her family's Christmas Eve dinner with her, and pretend they were dating, all because she's really dating a married doctor in her hometown and she can't bring the married doctor to the party? Oh, great, so if you're already lying to your parents, why not just tell a bigger lie, that should fix everything.

The voice of Steve Martin as the narrator was also quite confusing, it took me a while to realize that it was meant to be the voice of the family DOG narrating their story. This is a very cozy and nice mess, but that's still technically a mess. Every character has flashbacks to other Christmases from when they were younger, which I suppose is meant to be adorable and nostalgic but honestly just makes everything even more confusing, sorry.

Directed by Jessie Nelson (producer of "Because I Said So" and "Danny Collins")

Also starring Diane Keaton (last seen in "Because I Said So"), Ed Helms (last seen in "Coffee & Kareeem"), Alex Borstein (last heard in "The Bad Guys"), Timothee Chalamet (last seen in "A Complete Unknown"), Amanda Seyfried (last seen in "Boogie Woogie"), Alan Arkin (last seen in "Sr."), Marisa Tomei (last seen in "Brothers"), Olivia Wilde (last seen in "Babylon"), Jake Lacy (last seen in "Balls Out"), June Squibb (last heard in "Inside Out 2"), Anthony Mackie (last seen in "The Electric State"), Maxweill Simkins (last seen in "The Book of Henry"), Blake Baumgartner (last seen in "Villains"), Dan Amboyer, Scott Garan, Dorothy Silver, Larry McKay, Molly Gordon (last seen in "You People"), Sylvia Kauders (last seen in "The Answer Man"), Krista Marie Yu (last seen in "Fun Size"), Lev Pakman, M.R. Wilson, Elisabeth Evans, Keenan Joliff (last seen in "Rebel in the Rye"), Sean McGee, Rory Wilson, Quinn McColgan (last seen in "Non-Stop"), Kristin Slaysman (last seen in "Save the Date"), Jon Tenney (last seen in "The Seagull"), Ralph Browning (last seen in "One for the Money"), Cady Huffman (last seen in "Romance & Cigarettes"), Sophie Guest (last seen in "The Fault in Our Stars"), Scott Lockhart (ditto), Bettina Kenney, Farelisse Lassor, Lawrence Pusateri, Isaac Smith, Michelle Veintimilla (last seen in "Drunk Parents"), Phillip Zack, and the voice of Steve Martin (last seen in "Barbara Walters: Tell Me Everything"), with archive footage of Charlie Chaplin, Judy Holliday, Jimmy Stewart (last seen in "Stevie Van Zandt: Disciple").

RATING: 4 out of 10 poinsettias for sale